Posts tagged ‘biracial adoption’

January 14 – The Wrench | Mae’s Adoption Journey

Some have described adoption as a journey of ups and downs, twists and turns. Yet the day after we’d told our parents we’d be adopting only get to get another “hiccup” along the way didn’t exactly feel like another “twist” in the story. Instead, it felt like someone had just thrown a heavy wrench at us.

Life Resumes … For A Few Seconds At Least

Almost a full week had gone by since the first text about a baby and in a matter of days I was involved in a process to adopt a four-month old. Although my heart still raced at the thought, I had more peace that things were getting “in place.” Our adoption agency was giving us the cues. We were in “wait until you hear back” mode.

I decided to resume my schedule and keep a meeting with a former co-worker about a possible freelance opportunity with his new company. It was something new to focus my anxiety upon. Although we were friends, I was meeting downtown with one of the largest Kansas City companies about a possible side-job. Nervousness took over, and my mind wandered to things other than a baby.

Crisis. Panic. Think Quick.

As I’m reminding myself of the route to downtown and merging on the interstate, I received a phone call from Scott. I answer with excitement, wishing him happy birthday. He quickly says thanks, but then gets a serious tone in his voice. He’d just talked to a panicking Nick. Apparently, after Nick spoke with his sister about adoption she called a Christian adoption agency before she called ours. That agency was bringing a couple out to meet her … and the baby … in just a few hours.

I laughed because there was really no other response to the news Scott had just given me. I thought we’d hit the speed bump a few days earlier when we realized the decision for adoption hadn’t ultimately been made. But this was a whole new side of unexpected. And instead of being handed a baby, now I was now being asked to fight for her against another Christian couple who also wanted to be parents.

What Do We Do??

I was less than thrilled to hear this news, yet something in me that wanted to panic, didn’t. At least not yet. I took a deep breath and talked through the game plan with Scott.

In our profile for the agency, Mike & I described ourselves as a dedicated Christian couple. We chose not to work with a “Christian” agency to cast our net as wide as possible, so I laughed at the irony of the situation. Nick was sold on having me & Mike adopt the baby. He was confident in our marriage, personalities, faith, home and our future – and he knew we would be the best place for his baby girl. He just needed his sister to also see that. And in order for us to not only show her, but to “beat out” another couple now in the running, we needed to meet her. And quickly.

I’d been waiting to hear back from the agency and held off making any personal contact with the birth family on my own. However extreme times called for extreme measures. And we needed to break the “rules” and meet her. Tonight. All plans were tentative until I talked with Mike. I desperately tried to get in touch with him while running in to my meeting.

My Most Embarrassing Meeting Ever

Face flushed, heart racing, I found the building and ran through the glass doors to meet my friend. I tried to find a simple way to answer his usual “How’s it going” as we greeted one another, yet I couldn’t hold it in. I quickly caught him up to speed not just with life in general – but the past 20 minutes – and what I was in the middle of dealing with. Thankfully, he was more of a friend than former coworker and understood my lack of focus and necessity to take phone calls during our meeting. By the time we wrapped up, I barely understood how his complicated industry worked – although he’d done a great job in explaining it. I did, however, have an OK from Mike for our evening plans and a text to Scott with the go-ahead to move forward.

I was so embarrassed, I’d never been that unprofessional before. However, this was a life-changing day and luckily my friend could see that. I quickly hurried back to my car just in time for the short breaths and nervous shakes to begin. I needed to start praying, and to get myself calmed down.

Praying Praying Praying

In a rush I went and got Mike from his grandma’s house where we’d originally planned to be that evening and we both hurried home, leaving the extended family questioning our sudden cancellation for a family dinner. I once again felt bad yet had no other choice. I had to get home. I needed to be with Mike. And we needed to pray.

Everything in me felt horrible. I didn’t want to fight. This wasn’t supposed to be a competition. And even as it was, the other couple we were trying to appear “better than” were also solid Christians who would be providing a loving, God-filled home too. Yet in my mind, I had to put us on different teams and figure out how to win over the birth mom if indeed this baby girl was for us. I had no other strategy than prayer.

With only an hour until we needed to leave, Mike and I laid on our bed and he read through the Psalms. We prayed for God’s comfort and his sovereignty. We knew that He knew the plans and the outcome of the evening. And we had to trust that even if this didn’t work out, He had good things in store for us.

Meeting the Birth Mom

Under the advice of Scott, we threw a few baby toys in a bag that we’d gotten from our excited-to-be-grandparents for Christmas. He thought it might help to show we were really ready for a baby. We headed to Nick’s house which was the meeting place of the night, driving carefully along the iced streets. Scott & Patti met us in the driveway. Although it was Scott’s birthday, he offered to be there since we still didn’t really know Nick all that well. We took him up on the offer.

Walking through the front door, we suddenly were greeted by Nick and then saw her.

She was beautiful.

We’d only seen pictures through a cell phone, but that didn’t give it justice. I walked over to the pink bouncy seat where a baby girl was snugly sitting in her green sleeper, content and watching the room fill with people. I noticed her brown eyes and sparse curly hair. And before I got too fixated, I turned around to see her birth mom coming down the stairs to meet us.

Complex Feelings and Hitting it Off

Trying to figure out how to be ‘real’ in such a moment was mind-blowing. I wanted to act interested in the baby – I mean I was interested in the baby – yet not overdo it. I wanted to focus on getting to know the birth mom, tuning into what she was saying, yet not overdo it and freak her out. And I had about one minute to figure out how to act, balance my focus of her vs. the baby, and get my face to not depict my out-of-control emotions and thoughts. Luckily, Nick helped break the ice.

As we began talking, I suddenly felt an ease and comfort with the birth mom. Mike would chime in here and there, too – helping keep the conversation going. Sure, anxieties were still there. Another couple had just been sitting on the same couch Mike and I were on, having this same conversation. Yet pressing through the awkwardness, I just started to get to know her. I wanted to know what she liked to do for fun, and what she was passionate about. We hit it off by having the same phone. She already knew a bit about us because of a profile sheet our agency had given her. She asked about our dogs and love of Dawson’s Creek. It was as nice and comfortable as the situation allowed.

As the “who are you” conversations came to a natural slow, we turned our focus on the baby. Nick offered for us to hold her, and so I slowly walked over and carefully lifted her out of the bouncy seat. Every emotion possible was firing off in every direction inside of me. I couldn’t believe I was holding her. I wanted to study her and know everything there was to know about her. I wanted to kiss her forehead and hug her tight. Yet – at the same time – I didn’t want to jump the gun. No assumptions made. I had to show respect – not ownership. We were one out of two couples vying to be her parents. And I had to remember that.

After holding her for a few minutes, I passed her to Mike so that I could continue talking with the birth mom. Thanks to Nick’s help and promptings, we started to focus on some baby-related questions once she joined Mike & me on the couch. I got to learn about the birth mom’s hope for the baby to be in a Christian home. I got some background on her relationship with the birth father. I got to ask questions. I got real, honest answers. And at the end, I felt comfortable that whatever she chose, everything would work out.

Photo Time?

It was getting late and the baby had crashed in our arms. I considered that a good sign, especially when I saw Nick’s mouth curl up and look of “awe” come over him. As the evening came to a close, the birth mom asked if she could take our picture with the baby. Hesitation flooded my mind and I told her I thought it might be best to wait on that. I knew she had a decision to make, and with respect to her, I thought we should hold off on any pictures until things were more final.

She seemed to understand, but as we kept on talking and the baby slept soundly in our arms, something in the back of my head told me to just take the picture. “If this is your daughter, and this is the night that you meet her, you are going to want a picture of this.” So after a few more minutes, I asked her if it was OK for me to change my mind. And we took a few pictures of what could be our first photo of our family of three on the couch…

The evening ended with an exchange of emails from the birth mom and myself. This had already become way more of an open situation than I thought I’d ever want; but in strange way, it felt very right. She’d wanted to ask me a few more questions after getting some rest and I told her I was up for that. We thanked her for meeting, Nick for hosting, Scott & Patti for supporting and shuffled out the door.

Waiting for More Questions

My best friend from college, Amber, and her husband had just gotten into town for the weekend and were spending the night at our place. I told her we had an unexpected meeting come up but that we’d be home soon. We finally got home and began retelling the story of the past 24 hours to them. They shook their heads in disbelief with us. And then we dropped it. There was no use in dwelling on it, so we had a great time relaxing and laughing – and not thinking or talking about a baby. All I knew was that things were still so much up in the air.  I was expecting to have an email from the birth mom in the next few days with a few more questions to answer.

January 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm 2 comments

January 13 – Agency Calls | Mae’s Adoption Journey

Once again, my head was spinning. This wasn’t a new occurrence though. In less than a week there had been several days where the room was spinning. It started with a text and then a meeting. Then it really started spinning after a decision. But after I hung up with our adoption agency the morning after meeting Uncle Nick, I knew this was all for real.

You Ready to Proceed With Adoption?

The previous night, we left meeting Uncle Nick with unsettled feelings. Excited, yet uncertain. The situation called for several more meetings and several more phone calls. Part of me dropped some hope once I realized the “this person needs to call that person” web that was to come. I figured something was bound to fall through. Yet the next day when I recognized the phone number of the adoption agency calling my phone, I new we’d made some progress.

Yet once again, blood surged through my veins. Nick had talked to his sister and she knew that adoption would be the best thing for her precious girl. It didn’t take much convincing, she was already there. She wanted what was best for her, as did Nick. He let her know about us. And she trusted him. So much so that by the next morning, she had already called our adoption agency and set up a meeting with them. They were calling us before noon to fill us in on the morning’s activities.

“Hi Danielle, we’ve already talked with the birth mom and she’s ready to move forward if you are. Are you wanting to move forward in this process and adopt this baby?

I shouldn’t have been surprised at the question. It was one that I’d been asking myself all week. Yet something about having our adoption agency ask it put it in the major leagues. This was the real deal now.

“Yes, we will move forward.”

And with that, we were on our way. I quickly called Mike. He was in the middle of eating lunch with co-workers between classes. I had always tried to avoid calling him during school hours, not wanting to interrupt his teaching. But luckily I caught him at a good time. Making she he knew we had agreed to adopt a kid was sort of big news. Mike’s response was the same as mine. Surprised everything had moved quickly. Still in agreement to move forward. Happy. And probably more than anything, dumbfounded.

Time to Spread the Word A Bit

Granted, I was in shock that this was all real and happening. But I’d had five or six days to know it was coming. It hit me that Mike and I would be becoming parents very quickly, we had a daughter out there … and yet none of our parents knew any of this. So, although I hadn’t quite processed everything yet – I picked up the phone and called my mom. We needed to start telling our parents.

Telling Mom

My mom has always been able to take my phone calls at her job. Working in a school gives her the flexibility to put her kids first, even if we are, ahem, nearing 30. So, I called her school and asked the receptionist to find her. I needed to talk to her. In a grand opening statement where I stumbled over my words and such, I basically got out the gist of it: something’s been going on, everything is moving fast, there’s this baby, we’ve been put in line to adopt her, and as of this morning it’s real and looks like it’s happening. Mom’s response gave me a little comfort knowing that my reactions all week didn’t come from nowhere. She was excited, yet quiet, and mostly in shock. I could tell the room was spinning for her, too.

Telling Dad

Next up, I needed to tell my dad. Since his office is less than a mile from my house and his birthday had been the previous day, I thought it would be fun to somehow surprise him with a late birthday gift. I waited for Mike to get home from work and we slipped by his office. I’m sure when we walked in he thought we needed to talk about our cars or life insurance or something. But rather, we sat down across from him at his desk and proceeded to give him a gift wrapped frame. And then we began to explain to him that he could put his granddaughter’s photo in there. His eyebrows shot up. We started sharing the story again. Since I’d already had a first run with Mom, this one wasn’t as rough. Plus, Mike chimed in to help. Yet it was still stop-and-go and shocking. My dad is usually pretty calm and collected about everything … well except my colon cancer. So in his usual fashion he sat there, legs crossed (and shaking), hands clasped rested in his lap, head nodding as he took in our story. At first I thought he wasn’t surprised. But then I realized he was just processing. And at the end of our story, he got a big smile on his face. “I’m gonna be a grandpa!”

Telling Mike’s Mom & Dad

Last up, we wanted to tell Mike’s mom & dad together. Since we also lived just down the road from them, we decided to stop by once we knew Mike’s dad would be home from work. We knew this would probably already tip them off that something was going on. Years before we’d had a similar “drop by” experience when we told them we were planning to move to LA. We’d set this scenario up the same way, so they were excited to see us yet anxious to hear the “news” we had for them. I could tell they were hoping it was good. We didn’t mess around – we got right down to it. We began to share the story again about how a few days earlier, we’d received a text and had a few meetings and well – as of this morning – we’d agreed to adopt a baby girl. Reactions were the same. Excitement. Surprise. Little bit of shock. The super fun part was sharing that this little gal was just shy of two weeks younger than my niece. “They can grow up together!” I jumped at the thought. The reality had hit me once again in a whole new way. Holy cow, this was real.

Letting the News Soak In

After a long emotional day, we headed home to recover. We wanted to share our news with so many others, yet were exhausted and drained. We were glad all of our parents knew. We’d told just a handful of friends. We just needed to rest.

Before my eyes took their last blink, I reflected back on the day’s events. All of our parents responded differently (in a good way), yet they were all very similar. Cautiously excited. Surprised and shocked at the timing. Unsure exactly of how to react. Yet happy. And if we were being honest, Mike & I felt the same way.

It hit me once again that the journey of adoption is unique and different. There’s not one way it will ever be done. And most of the process is uncertain and requires great faith. There’s a typical pattern of responses when it comes to pregnancy or birth announcements. Even if they’re a total shock, most of us get what came before (that’s assumed) and what will come after. But with adoption, and especially our journey, there were no assumptions. We had no idea what had come before (only bits and pieces we’d managed to piece together) – and we especially had no idea what would come after. Nothing about adoption was familiar to us. And even if it would have been, each story has its own twists and turns and details to work out. And while I wasn’t saddened nor scared about the unfamiliarity of this process, I was just praying that I felt everything I needed to feel, and that this was right.

All we knew was that our lives were about to change. We handed the legal stuff and the details over to our agency. We asked our closest friends and family to be praying. And with that, we called it a night.

January 13, 2012 at 11:39 pm Leave a comment

January 12 – Meeting Uncle Nick | Mae’s Adoption Journey

I have to admit that having a slow day that wasn’t full of texts, secret meetings, and big decisions was kind of nice. But after what seemed like a slight pause in a crazy fast race, we were back on the path. A baby was up for adoption. We were first in line to be her parents. And a meeting needed to happen.

We had agreed to meet the uncle, Nick, a few days earlier when we got Scott’s call that adoption was underway. What we couldn’t decide was if we were comfortable meeting the baby yet.

Part of us wanted him to bring her. Something about meeting her in person would make everything feel real.
Yet at the same time, we weren’t ready for that and wanted to wait.
What if this still fell through?
What if we didn’t “hit it off” when we met the uncle?
What if he didn’t like us?

So, fitting our typical pattern – we initially said no, we didn’t want the baby to be at the meeting.
And then we changed our minds, and said OK.
We wanted to meet her.

Trying to Make it Through the Workday

There’s nothing like trying to stay focused with a big meeting planned for the afternoon. And this wasn’t just any meeting. I mean I’d worked in advertising and was used to anticipated afternoon pitches. But this was in a whole new league. This wasn’t a potential client at hand. It was the possibility of a new family. And my opportunity to be a mother.

I had transitioned jobs a few years earlier and worked for our church which allowed me the freedom to process everything happening while “on the clock.” I dabbled in getting a few tasks done but most of the morning was spent talking to my coworkers Jeff and Orion, and getting them caught up with what all had happened the previous three days. It was the first time out of many I would see eyes open wide and jaws drop at the timing and craziness of the story.

Perfect Timing for Activation Papers

The morning actually seemed to go pretty fast and just a few hours before our scheduled meeting time I noticed an email come through from our adoption agency. I hadn’t heard from them in a few weeks and last I knew all of our papers were being processed and we were waiting to go “active.”

Well, as luck would have it, those activation papers arrived just a few hours before our meeting with the uncle. As I opened the email and realized what had just happened, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Good timing, God. Wouldn’t you know that we’d get these papers just hours before we would be meeting a baby who needed a home.” I still wasn’t sure if this was a sign that things would or wouldn’t work out, but I huffed at the irony.

A Memorable First Meeting

Scott & Patti offered up their house as a neutral meeting place. We wanted them there to introduce us to their friend. As I left work, I confirmed with Scott about the meeting and he informed me the baby wouldn’t be there. She had a cold and Nick didn’t want to drag her out into the snow. Slightly bummed initially, I soon became relieved. It was probably best. Emotions from seeing a little baby wouldn’t get in the way of getting some important facts.

Luckily for us, Uncle Nick also tended to run late. Even to life-changing meetings like this one. Mike was coming straight from work, so he arrived as soon as he could. I blamed my getting lost and missing the exit on my uneasiness, yet arrived in time to hug Mike and gather my thoughts before Nick got there.

I heard the rumbles of a big SUV pull up and soon Nick and his daughter were stomping off snow and standing in Scott & Patti’s entryway. His daughter ran off to play with the Simmons’ son, and we were left to begin the awkward introductions. We didn’t leave much time for small talk. Nick slid an ottoman to the middle of the living room and sat right in front of Mike and I who were seated on a love seat, trying to appear madly in love and desperate to be parents. As Scott & Patti tiptoed to the back of the room, we got down to business.

Nick began to tell us about the baby and that he’d been taking care of her for several weeks. He loved her with all of his heart but he knew adoption was going to be the best option for her. He assured us she had been well taken care of and loved since the day she was born.

Although it ran the risk of feeling like a sales pitch, the compassion in Nick’s eyes let us know that this was for real. Scott had already told Nick about us before the meeting so after Nick explained the situation, he asked if we had any questions. And finally I was able to ask about the birth mom.

Big Questions, Surprising Answers

I didn’t waste any time and immediately asked about guardianship and legal custody. Nick explained that his sister (the birth mom) was unable to care for the baby and wanted her to be with Nick. And while he loved this little girl, he knew it wasn’t ultimately best for her, nor for him. He was convinced that she needed an adoptive family. And while he needed to have a conversation with his sister to see if she agreed, he was confident that it would all work out.

Signal: Tires Screech Sound

Have a conversation with her?” That changed up the game a bit.

Up until this point, we didn’t realize that Nick really didn’t have any legal say-so in the baby’s adoption. Sure, he thought his sister would agree with him and be okay with it – but that didn’t guarantee anything. Suddenly this story had taken a twist.

Although relieved to understand the full picture, I began to dread that once again we’d headed down a road that would ultimately lead in disappointment, just like the other opportunities in the past. And part of me wondered if we should close it all down now and head home to sign the activation papers with our agency waiting for us in my inbox.

Staying Tuned…

As we slipped on our coats and scarves, Nick asked if we wanted to see more pictures of the baby. I was so torn, see more pictures of a kid that could or could not be mine? At this point I was so emotionally overwhelmed, I had no idea what I thought. But, not wanting to be rude, I leaned over to see a few more photos of a beautiful baby girl.

Mike and I weren’t sure what to think after this meeting. It hadn’t exactly gone as planned, yet not in a bad way. We realized that the final decision to put this baby up for adoption hadn’t yet been made. The decision maker hadn’t met us, she didn’t even really know about us. And although we were tempted to pass it up before we got too attached and keep things “safe,” we decided to hold out and wait to see what happened with an upcoming conversation Nick was about to have with his sister.

January 12, 2012 at 12:17 am 1 comment

January 10 – The Decision | Mae’s Adoption Journey

I don’t tend to be an early riser but with everything we had discussed before church with Scott & Patti, I tossed and turned most of the night. The image of the little girl snugly sleeping in her bed, and the thought there was a crazy chance out there she could be the daughter God planned for us … blew my mind. So, after a night of restlessness, I got up early and started getting ready for the day.

Decision Has Been Made

It was a good thing I was up because I was actually awake and coherent to take Scott’s early morning call. He called me in an excited panic with a story to share. He wanted to make sure I was awake and “ready for this.” So I had him begin. And I made sure Mike was near to take in all of the news.

The following conversation was basically one of the coolest stories about someone having crystal clarity about what God wanted them to do. Scott had received several texts from his friend Nick, who apparently couldn’t sleep so well that night either. Nick had come to the point that night where he knew adoption would be best for his niece, and that was what God wanted for him and for her.

Nick texted Scott in the early morning hours, and soon the news traveled to us. Just a day earlier we were saying “Ok, sure…” to a process that seemed so up in the air, a process we both vowed not to get emotionally attached to. And now we were hearing that a decision had been made, the baby was on a path to adoption, and we were the ones being looked to as the prospective adoptive parents.

I sat in disbelief shaking my head, not sure what to say or how to respond. I was happy, yet more in disbelief. Everything I had ever pictured or dreamed about how our adoption process could look never quite fit into this mold. And while I was extremely thankful, I was also in shock a little bit. I had just received a phone call that I could be an adoptive mother … and soon. Was I really ready for this?

I didn’t pass out or anything like that. But after I hung up the phone with Scott, things just got fuzzy and the room spun. I tried to recap the details with Mike as he buttoned his shirt and ran out the door for work. I couldn’t wrap my head around this one. I still wanted to proceed with caution; we hadn’t even met anyone yet. Plus, there were big questions in my mind that hadn’t been answered – like did Nick have custody and authority for this adoption? And where was her birth mother? As my mind flooded with the realization that I had agreed to a process without having any important answers, I started to semi-panic. Yet at the same time, I knew the information would could come in time. And after all, we hadn’t signed on any dotted lines … yet.

January 10, 2012 at 9:11 am 3 comments

January 9 – Pre-Church Meeting | Mae’s Adoption Journey

So although we hadn’t really dumped much expectation into the meeting at church, there were definitely some butterflies fluttering in my stomach as we got ready and headed that way. I didn’t want to care. I didn’t want to hope. Yet something in me was curious about this little gal. And don’t we all deep down wish that something crazy magical like this would happen to us?

We finally got to church. Mike had worship practice. And then we slipped away to meet Scott & Patti in the hotel lobby. Our church meets at the Hilton Garden Inn, so it’s never easy to find a super secret spot to meet, unless you want to rent a hotel room or something like that. So – we opted for the hotel lobby which was across the building from the conference room where we set up for church. This way we could meet privately. This was top-secret stuff.

As good friends, the four of us rolled up chairs to a round glass-top table and made it seem as though we were about to undergo a serious business transaction. I tried to control myself and not swing around in the chairs too much; I love a chair that rolls. But the conversation at hand called for seriousness and maturity. So, I tried to sit still as we opened up the somewhat awkward yet life-changing conversation.

Opening Conversations About a Baby

The conversation went smoothly as Scott & Patti explained to us the situation. Their friend was helping raise his niece. She was about 3-4 months old. He had come to the point that he was considering adoption for her. It was early in the process for him, and he still wasn’t completely sold – but definitely considering it. We immediately had come to their minds. And in the event he wanted to move forward with adoption for her, they were checking to see if we’d be interested.

Why This Fit the Burgesses

So much about this situation made them think of us. Mostly, we were already in the adoption process and desiring a domestic adoption. Our home study was complete. We were about ready to go active. Plus, the baby was biracial, and that was something we had requested in our adoption papers. They knew that she had been well cared for, and that she came from a good family. Plus, they knew her family would be looking for a good couple to raise her.

Why It Might Not Fit the Burgesses

While Scott & Patti felt like so many things fit, they made sure to present the situation carefully. They weren’t sure this was exactly what we were looking for, and we could tell the last thing they wanted to do was push it on us. But, also not wanting the opportunity to pass us by, they went ahead and mentioned it. Everything about it was awfully close to home – come to find out she was living only 10 minutes away from us. She wasn’t a brand new baby – she was already 3-4 months old. And, this would be more of an open adoption than we had planned for since we’d need to all work together to make this happen.

Um… Sure, We’d Go For It

After Scott & Patti explained the details, I looked to Mike to respond and lead the way. I’d felt like God had made it clear to me to let Mike guide this process all along, and so I wanted him to respond. I was all for pursuing it and seeing what God had up his sleeve. But I needed Mike to be, too. This was still such an up-in-the-air, hypothetical situation. She wasn’t definitely up for adoption yet. The big decision to find her a family hadn’t been made. But, the issue at hand was for us to decide to get involved, despite the lack of finality. What if … she was to be adopted … would we be interested? Not exactly the easiest decision – especially since we thought we had a plan for what our adoption was to look like. Did we really want to derail the process for a far-out opportunity? An opportunity like others that had already fallen through?

Despite the discomfort with the “what ifs,” and our desire to guard our hearts, we didn’t feel any red flags. Even as much as some of the scenarios didn’t match what we had in mind, something about it felt right. Sure, she lived in Lee’s Summit – but we knew our child would come from one of the 50 states – Missouri included. She wasn’t a “brand new” baby – yet months earlier I’d begun to feel like I wasn’t sure I was ready for an infant from the hospital. And while the open adoption scared us a bit, having friends like Scott & Patti vouch for everyone involved gave us much peace.

So, with that, we gave Scott the OK to mention us to his friend if he decided that adoption would be best for his niece. We weren’t really sure what to expect, nor if this would really all happen. A large part of us doubted it, yet there were small slivers of hope that this might actually be it.

“You want to see a picture?”

With the agreement to move forward, Scott offered one of the biggest carrots you can give someone that’s adopting – a photo. Mike quickly shook his head no, he didn’t want to see a picture yet. There was still too much uncertainty about the whole thing, he didn’t want to get any more emotionally attached to the situation. I quickly followed Mike in saying no, but only a second later changed my mind. For me, I needed this to be more real if it indeed was happening. So I agreed and leaned over to see my first sights of a sleeping beauty.

A cute little kiddo was softly sleeping in her pack-and-play. Not sure how I should feel, I looked over and told Mike she was cute. I didn’t exactly get all gushy, but seeing her face definitely made things more real. There was a baby, she might need a family. And we’re first in line if the gun went off.

And with that, we needed to go. Church was about to start.

We still weren’t really sure what to expect. But we figured why not check it out until God closed a door.

Except after only 12 hours, we realized that God wasn’t closing doors.

Instead, He was opening them.

January 9, 2012 at 12:01 pm 3 comments

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