Posts tagged ‘fart’

Yeah … and No

Yeah, having cancer is really hard.
Yeah, it’s also one of the most eye-opening experiences you will ever have.
No, it doesn’t always hurt.
Yeah, it often does. Or at least the tests for it are a huge pain and the stuff you drink tastes nasty. Colon surgery is no cake walk either.

Yeah, I’m usually feeling pretty good. I’m recovered from surgery.
Yeah, I’m still learning the ropes to life without much colon even 10 months later.
No, I would never ask for a double-colon surgery ever again.
Yeah, others have had worse than me, though.

Yeah, it’s hard to keep up morale sometimes.
Yeah, it’s way easier with good friends and family.
No, that doesn’t always cut it though.
Yeah, sometimes you do just need a day or night alone to take it all in.

Yeah, I think about cancer just about every day.
No, not because I’m directly fighting it right now or on chemo. But because its implications impact me each day.
Yeah, I’ve found a way to manage them.
No, I still don’t have it mastered, and I want my proverbial security blanket back.

Yeah, I still go poop and am one of the lucky ones. I can eat salad.
Yeah, I do wish I could have my colon back some days though.
No, I don’t regret having it removed. I’d rather have the least risk possible.
Yeah, that was probably me that farted.

No, I don’t like colonoscopies.
Yeah, I’m still going to tell you to get one until the day I die. You really need to get checked as you age or have problems.
No, they’re really NOT that bad.
Yeah, drinking that stuff and spending all night on the toilet is never fun for anyone. But suck it up and do it.

Yeah, I sometimes am saddened because I can’t have my own kids thanks to the surgeries and cancer treatments.
No, I don’t talk about it a lot.
Yeah, there is hope for us and adoption will be great one day.
No, we’re not ready for that yet.

Yeah, it’s frustrating to pay so much for medical care. Especially when other DINKS can do so much other fun stuff with their money.
Yeah, I struggle with that sometimes.
No, I don’t think we’ve got it as bad as so many others in the country.
Yeah, I feel blessed that we’ve been taken care of so far.

Yeah, I appreciate all of the comments about being strong and inspirational.
No, I don’t always know how to respond.
Yeah, I do feel like I’m still living in a fog sometimes. I don’t know if the impact of what I’ve gone through, what’s to come, or what’s looming over me some days really sinks in.
Yeah, the days that it does are hard. Thus, this post.

Yeah, I feel guilty sometimes when I see other survivors going through chemo or loosing their battles.
Yeah, I get jealous when others get clear results.
No, I would never wish sickness or this disease upon anyone. I truly rejoice at clear reports.
Yeah, I would trade it in myself if I could.

Yeah, I genuinely do still have hope most days.
Yeah, I think a long life ahead of me is definitely attainable.
No, my smile usually isn’t fake or fabricated.
Yeah, I’ve tried to find a way to embrace the aging effect and unique perspective all while acting my age.

Yeah, I’m typing this because today was a rough day.
Yeah, this blog helps and is therapeutic.
No, my day’s not all bathroom-related although maybe a little bit.
Yeah, it’s more about the emotional side of things tonight and what I have faced, and still face, hits me every now and then.

Yeah, I can’t do a post like this and not mention my faith.
Yeah, I think in the end, it’s what will really matter.
No, it’s not always easy for me to believe and trust that there’s a bigger plan and a greater world out there God’s created for us.
Yeah, I know it to be true though and that’s what gets me through.

May 4, 2010 at 9:52 pm Leave a comment

Reason #30 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #30
You will think talking about colon stuff is the coolest thing ever.

I don’t know if the facial expressions of others when they hear you talking about farts, poop, colons or toilets will ever get old. They’re classic.

March 30, 2010 at 11:05 pm Leave a comment

Reason #17 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #17
Bed Farts.

One of the most comfortable places in the world is bed. And one of the first things you do when you get comfortable as a semicolon is fart. Let’s just say I have a very forgiving, understanding husband who plays along and has found a way to clamp down the sheets hard enough to trap it in and laugh with me.

March 17, 2010 at 10:30 am Leave a comment

Reason #3 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #3
You will inevitably fart during ab workouts. Every. Time.

If you’re colon’s been shortened or nearly removed, it gets harder and harder to hold in the flatulence as you’re crunching, twisting and turning all of the core muscles. When I go to the boxing gym, I try to stand around all guys so everyone assumes it was one of them.

March 4, 2010 at 12:50 am 2 comments

Hug Fart

The other day I was standing in the hallway.

Picking up my things after church.

My husband acted like he hadn’t seen me in ten years,

And had just found me through a Google search.

It had really only been a few minutes, but to him, way too long.

He quickly got the look on his face, “I am going to fix what is wrong.”

He put his arms around me and gave me the biggest hug.

And all of the sudden it squeaked out, like a tiny little bug.

Sometimes you can stop those things, or at least hold them in.

But in this instance there was no turning back, the lion had left its den.

He hugged me so tight in the hallway, it  forced the mighty wind to blow.

But at least nobody was walking by to experience the smelly show.

I laughed as I hugged him back, whispering that he’d just made me fart.

And when he kept on hugging me, I knew he loved me with all of his heart.

November 21, 2009 at 4:41 pm Leave a comment


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