Posts tagged ‘kids’

Wider Eyed

You ever get so wrapped up into something that you forget what life was like before the madness hit? I do.

The temptation to become so narrow-focused in the current situation comes on strong. It’s all too easy to lose sight of who I really am and what I’m all about. It’s hard to remember that life was going on before the madness hit, and that life is continuing as I wade through it.

Whether I’m in the midst of fighting cancer or dealing with an intense workload – it happens.

But I must remember that the world is still turning. I need to widen my view and remember there are things happening outside of my madness. There are other people with issues, causes and situations just as big as mine. I had a life before, and I will have one after. And actually – if I allow myself, I can have one in it’s midst.

Reminders to me that the world is still turning …

Oh my husband. We celebrated five years of being married earlier this month. He’s a ton of fun, and such a gem.

Oh this precious thing. I’m finding that being around kids can help take your mind off of some of life’s heavy stuff. Of course I realize I’m saying that as the friend and “cool Aunt B” and not a parent.

My green thumb is a growing! Here’s bean, along with his friends Tom, Pep and Zuc. I do my part and water, God does his and makes it grow.

Warning: spotlight sharing
I realize there are other issues in the world besides colon cancer. My friend Amy is passionate about one of them: Liberia. We traveled to Carbondale, IL to view the first showing of the documentary “Rainbow Town” her and her team help put together about a Liberian orphanage. You should check it out, it’s awesome.

June 8, 2010 at 1:20 pm Leave a comment

Yeah … and No

Yeah, having cancer is really hard.
Yeah, it’s also one of the most eye-opening experiences you will ever have.
No, it doesn’t always hurt.
Yeah, it often does. Or at least the tests for it are a huge pain and the stuff you drink tastes nasty. Colon surgery is no cake walk either.

Yeah, I’m usually feeling pretty good. I’m recovered from surgery.
Yeah, I’m still learning the ropes to life without much colon even 10 months later.
No, I would never ask for a double-colon surgery ever again.
Yeah, others have had worse than me, though.

Yeah, it’s hard to keep up morale sometimes.
Yeah, it’s way easier with good friends and family.
No, that doesn’t always cut it though.
Yeah, sometimes you do just need a day or night alone to take it all in.

Yeah, I think about cancer just about every day.
No, not because I’m directly fighting it right now or on chemo. But because its implications impact me each day.
Yeah, I’ve found a way to manage them.
No, I still don’t have it mastered, and I want my proverbial security blanket back.

Yeah, I still go poop and am one of the lucky ones. I can eat salad.
Yeah, I do wish I could have my colon back some days though.
No, I don’t regret having it removed. I’d rather have the least risk possible.
Yeah, that was probably me that farted.

No, I don’t like colonoscopies.
Yeah, I’m still going to tell you to get one until the day I die. You really need to get checked as you age or have problems.
No, they’re really NOT that bad.
Yeah, drinking that stuff and spending all night on the toilet is never fun for anyone. But suck it up and do it.

Yeah, I sometimes am saddened because I can’t have my own kids thanks to the surgeries and cancer treatments.
No, I don’t talk about it a lot.
Yeah, there is hope for us and adoption will be great one day.
No, we’re not ready for that yet.

Yeah, it’s frustrating to pay so much for medical care. Especially when other DINKS can do so much other fun stuff with their money.
Yeah, I struggle with that sometimes.
No, I don’t think we’ve got it as bad as so many others in the country.
Yeah, I feel blessed that we’ve been taken care of so far.

Yeah, I appreciate all of the comments about being strong and inspirational.
No, I don’t always know how to respond.
Yeah, I do feel like I’m still living in a fog sometimes. I don’t know if the impact of what I’ve gone through, what’s to come, or what’s looming over me some days really sinks in.
Yeah, the days that it does are hard. Thus, this post.

Yeah, I feel guilty sometimes when I see other survivors going through chemo or loosing their battles.
Yeah, I get jealous when others get clear results.
No, I would never wish sickness or this disease upon anyone. I truly rejoice at clear reports.
Yeah, I would trade it in myself if I could.

Yeah, I genuinely do still have hope most days.
Yeah, I think a long life ahead of me is definitely attainable.
No, my smile usually isn’t fake or fabricated.
Yeah, I’ve tried to find a way to embrace the aging effect and unique perspective all while acting my age.

Yeah, I’m typing this because today was a rough day.
Yeah, this blog helps and is therapeutic.
No, my day’s not all bathroom-related although maybe a little bit.
Yeah, it’s more about the emotional side of things tonight and what I have faced, and still face, hits me every now and then.

Yeah, I can’t do a post like this and not mention my faith.
Yeah, I think in the end, it’s what will really matter.
No, it’s not always easy for me to believe and trust that there’s a bigger plan and a greater world out there God’s created for us.
Yeah, I know it to be true though and that’s what gets me through.

May 4, 2010 at 9:52 pm Leave a comment


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