Posts filed under ‘Colon Stories’
So yesterday I had a challenging experience. I had to visit my oncologist. At his new clinic.
Hopefully some other long-time survivors can relate with me so I don’t sound like a total patient-snob. But, after you’ve gotten used to your “medical routine,” it’s hard when it’s changed. Whether you’re going to a new place, have a new nurse, or heaven forbid, get a new doctor – those changes are hard. And although I knew to expect changes yesterday, I didn’t expect to be affected by them so much.
There were probably some really legitimate changes that can be made to the new clinic to make the patient experience better. I’ve got a great doctor who actually took down notes after he saw the flustered look on my face as he walked in the exam room. But even getting past some of those things, I tried to really figure out why I was so startled yesterday. And I decided this: The reason I’m there in the first place is unsettling enough.
I try to be go-with-the-flow as much as I can. But for some reason I was really, really not up for changes yesterday. I didn’t like going to a new office, nor the new check-in procedure. I wasn’t crazy about anything really – and I knew my poor attitude was stemming from something bigger than the fact there were no magazines in my patient room. I was struggling because I like security, and the reason I’m sitting there is very insecure.
Thankfully, my doctor is a gem and he really did care about my experience and will try to make it better. Having him come in, know my past 10 years history and tell me what’s next, was comforting. And to add another positive – a nurse came in and remembered me from when I was 17, so I didn’t have to explain why I was a 27-year-old colon cancer patient – major bonus points.
In the end, I guess my hope for sharing my story is two-fold:
– For any medical practitioners out there to see the patient’s point of view sometimes. Remember that while you may be making small changes in your world, they may be big changes in your patient’s world. You and your staff offer security to your patients and their families, security that they may not be feeling anywhere else. So while you have all rights to make changes to anything, make them slowly, communicate a lot, and be understanding at how it’s taken. And make sure it’s very clear how much they will owe at the time of their visit.
– To kick myself in the butt, and challenge myself to be more flexible. To find my security in things outside of my medical routine. And to remind myself that although I’m driving to a new clinic with new people and new routine, that doesn’t mean that my whole world has to turn upside down. Maybe I’ll actually come to like this new place one day.
August 20, 2011 at 10:22 pm Danielle B
They say that a blog can be therapeutic, and a great way to process raw feelings and emotions. Well, this is one of those posts. At least I gave you a heads up. Sorry, no baby photos or poop jokes today. Maybe next time.
On this cancer journey, several of us have special milestone days each year that take us back to when we were in the midst of our fight. Here are a few of mine:
- January 23 – the day I was diagnosed, how long I’ve been fighting this bad boy cancer.
- The two weeks between January 23 – Feb 2 – it’s like this shadow hangs over me these weeks as I remember the journey from being diagnosed, to finding doctors, to finally having my first major surgery.
- June 9 – my new date I have to go off to consider myself “cancer free.” I’m at 2 years.
- July 24 – my original “survivor day” that my family and I celebrated on the glorious day I was released from cancer treatments and finished with chemo all together!
I know it’s a lot, it is for me too. But these are my special cancer days that I remember each year. I don’t do big celebrations or even really recognize them all each year (although my husband typically does, bless his heart) but as each one of these days comes, it’s a time for me to reflect – or as it has been in the past, push away the rush of emotions that come with the reality of this cancer game.
Today is one of the days along my journey that always means something special to me, July 24. I hope I never forget what it was like to walk into my oncologist’s office 10 years ago. I was supposed to have a treatment, one of my last. They drew my blood and saw that I was absolutely too weak to take the next chemo treatment. My white blood counts were way too low. Six months of chemo and a month of radiation had been enough. Instead of heading for the chemo room, I got to go into the physician’s room where he explained that I was done, I didn’t have to finish my remaining two treatments, and that I was released from treatment.
While I walked in there without any strength, I nearly floated out of the office. Finally after several months of living through one of the horrors that comes on this side of heaven, at age 17 nonetheless, I was free. My parents took me to Eskews Fine Jewelry to get a watch – and had it engraved “SURVIVOR” and the date, 7-24-01. I still wear it every year on this day. We went out to dinner at Gojos to celebrate. It was a huge day for me.
Just like the Sunday morning earlier this year on January 23, I had a rush of emotions come over me this morning. It’s funny because during the first years of being in remission, I don’t think I really had it all sink in yet. I would be so excited to reach my cancer mile-markers, and just be pumped to celebrate. I even made a homemade t-shirt and wore it for a few years. I was on cloud nine.
My homemade "Survivor" t-shirt I sported for years - in 2002
Maybe it’s because my cancer HAS come back once that I find it hard to joyously celebrate now, or maybe it’s because I’m older, I’m married, I have a kiddo – and the actuality of what I went through has just begun to hit me. But instead of breaking out my old shirt today and sporting the town with it – proudly showing I am a survivor – I had to make myself get out of bed, go through my typical Sunday routine and not break down bawling along the way. God bless my friends and family who showed up with flowers today, and my hubby who splurged on delicious cupcakes. He knows the way to my heart.
Although I hate that I feel like crying rather than celebrating as each one of my “Year 10” mile markers has come, I actually think it’s a good thing. Last year when I went through counseling, I learned that instead of processing my emotions, I’ve developed a pattern to unplug from them and disconnect with how I really feel. I’ve slowly started to “plug back in” throughout the year, and the raw emotions of fear, sadness, grief, loss and more have rushed in as I’ve dealt with the cancer face-to-face.While it’s not been fun, it is nice to actually feel again and get real with what I’ve faced throughout the years.
So, today hits 10 years for me that I’ve been “chemo-free” and my original Survivor Day. And while I’ve got a train of emotions hitting me, I’m so, so grateful for them. Not only am I grateful for the ability to feel the emotions, but for life and how God is using my story even 10 years later. I could have easily not made it 10 years ago. But He chose to heal me so that His glory would be made known through me and my story. Why that’s not been the case for everyone who has faced this disease, I don’t understand – but I have faith that it’s all for a reason, and I will continue to point people to hope as long as I’m still here. As hard as it is to face the fears, side effects and impacts that surviving cancer so young has had – I absolutely feel blessed to be part of the bigger picture and do my part in pointing people upwards to Him.
So on that note, a huge “hurray” that I’ve been off the chemo for 10 years now. A huge thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, supported us and walked with us through this journey over the years. I can only pray that there are many more days full of flowers and cupcakes ahead.
July 24, 2011 at 9:47 pm Danielle B
I admittedly have a really crappy memory. It’s actually never really been that great, but I like to use the excuse of “chemo brain” when I really can’t remember things. Who knows if it’s the chemo or not… but that makes since so I’m going with it.
While I struggle recalling events in the past, the six months that I was on cancer treatment 10 years ago remain very vivid. And one night that is particularly clear is the evening I tried to rejoin my life on the 4th of July weekend.
I was at the tail end of my radiation treatments and the hopes of “normal life” were starting to appear. I hadn’t hung out with my friends in months due to my illness. My butt was raw from 30 days of radiation, and I was just plain tired of wearing that stupid, ugly continuous infusion chemo pack everywhere I went. Nicknaming it “Chester” had only helped in the beginning. By the end of those four weeks, I was ready for “Chester” to meet Jesus and get the heck off of me.
I had been invited to my friend Meagan’s house to celebrate the Fourth of July. She lived on a lake within my suburb, and although I was not much of a lake person even back then – not to mention extremely intimidated by the lakeside neighborhoods with their narrow, windy roads and zero parking – I went for it and joined my friends. I had a big group of girlfriends when I was diagnosed, and this was one of the first nights that we were all together since I’d been sick.
We weren’t the drinking kind, nor did we find a lot of fun in rebelling against our parents. So, our high school version of hanging out was pretty low-key. Some had brought fireworks and were starting to shoot them off by the time I arrived. I remember slowly walking down to the water and watching my friends float on rafts and flirt with boys. I carefully dipped my feet into the lake – opting not to swim since lake water wouldn’t quite agree with my immune system. I laughed with my friends. I tried to fit in. I even had a red, white and blue tank-top on to prove it.
There was nothing magical about that night. But for some reason I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember being happy that I could fit into tiny jean shorts. I remember being jealous of my friend’s gorgeous tan and sparkly pink bikini. I remember the sparklers, having fun drawing pictures in the air. I remember trying to fit in with the jokes and flirting, yet not, and while the group hung back to talk and laugh, I went off by myself and gazed at the fireworks above the lake in an “I really feel older than 17” moment.
Life has a funny way of coming in and out, and making you realize that what seemed like a passing moment in time was actually a mile marker in the journey. That night 10 years ago as I watched fireworks above the lake, I cracked open the realization that I was different… and I would never be the same again. My experience with cancer had not only scarred my body and interrupted my calendar. It had changed the dynamics of my friendships and how I would relate to others for the rest of my life.
Surviving cancer doesn’t make one an obvious alien this world, although it too often feels like it. The secret aches from past surgeries and scar tissues, the quiet worries of what will happen next or why that pain just shot through your body, the unspoken questions of how much longer you have or if your kids have your genes – thus is the mindset of a survivor. And while we try to brush it off and fit in most days, it’s often what’s running through our minds when we’re staring off into space… or up at the fireworks in the sky.
When life crisis hits, you don’t always realize all of the areas it will impact until enough time has gone by and then you start to “get it.” That moment on the lake 10 years ago was just a momentary peek into the types of issues I would process in the coming decade. And while the gravity of the situation has come over the years, I’m thankful that it’s been over time. Even more, I’m thankful that despite my moment of seriousness as I slipped away from my friends only to quickly rejoin them that Fourth of July weekend – what really was was going through my head was where I could get another sparkler and how I had managed to fit into my jean shorts that night.
July 4, 2011 at 12:06 am Danielle B
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and bucket lists came up. As a cancer survivor, I have a handful of opinions when it comes to certain topics. And while I like to think I’m pretty easy-going, for some reason, these I have a very clear, passionate view on at least four things: the need for colonoscopy, cancer crawls, breast cancer awareness month and bucket lists.
I’m not Down on Bucket Lists
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not down on bucket lists. I actually think they’re great… for most people. Especially when the “Bucket List” movie came out and raised awareness about the whole idea. I think it’s great that people start thinking about what they’d like to do in life. Bucket lists stir passions in people. They motivate people to go get all that life has to offer, at least as much as they possibly can. So while I think bucket lists are great.. they’re just not for me.
Why I don’t have a Bucket List
I don’t have a bucket list. I think it’s mainly because the idea that life is short is all too real for me. Maybe it’s unhealthy and out of fear that I won’t create a bucket list. I mean, I don’t want to create a list that I have no way of achieving. I know that’s how it works for everyone (not everyone can always get to everything on their bucket list)… but that possibility is all too real for me. And although it’s a daily process for me to not live out of fear, I think there are some healthy reasons I don’t have a bucket list. I really do try to live each day realizing that it could be my last … or at least as best I can. I try to cram as much as I can into life just because I’m very aware that life is short. And while I don’t have a long list of big things I’d love to do before I die, I do try to take each opportunity that comes to me. I feel blessed that I’ve gotten to do, see and experience a ton of things already, and that as I continue to follow my heart and passions, that will only increase.
So Should you Have a Bucket List?
I’m not the one to say if you should have a bucket list or not. I think they’re great for so many people, even though I don’t have one. I’d say what is important more than a bucket list is an awareness that life is short. We were all put here for a reason and with a purpose, and so why not find that reason and what drives our passion. We’ll all have the opportunity to do things we dream of doing throughout life, so if it takes a bucket list to realize them – then go for it. Or, if you’re like me and refuse to make a list (but still have a few things you’d love to do in your life in the back of your mind) – do that too. Life is short, so let’s make it count.
May 27, 2011 at 3:31 pm Danielle B
Last fall amidst the craziness of announcing we were adopting, and then the winter of our oh-so-fast adoption, I haven’t had a chance to blog about the SAMFund yet.
The SAMFund
I don’t recall exactly how I learned about the SAMFund, but between my fellow cancer survivor friends and online media, I was made aware of this organization. Their mission is provide grants to young adult cancer survivors who’ve been impacted by cancer. It doesn’t matter what type of cancer you’ve had, the SAMFund can help. They provide grants to young adult cancer survivors to help with medical bills, gym memberships, school, family building and more. I had known about the SAMFund for awhile, and when we began our adoption process, I applied for a family building grant. Our process to adopt was directly impacted by my cancer, and so I felt like I had a shot.
Hearing from the SAMFund
God’s timing is always perfect, and how funny it is. I had completed all of our paperwork to begin our home study, including the worksheet with my credit card information. I folded it up and placed it in an envelope to mail later that day. No joke – before I could take the letter to the mailbox, I got a call from the SAMFund, notifying me that I had received a grant from their foundation. They wanted to award us a grant to pay for our home study.
Thankful for the SAMFund
Receiving a grant from the SAMFund wasn’t only so helpful for our adoption finances, but it meant so much to me personally. In a way, cancer gave back to me that day. It meant the world to be recognized by this organization as someone worthy of their grant funds. The road of cancer is long and hard, and so when its stopped in its tracks for a moment and you’re blessed by it, it’s a chilling yet very amazing experience.
I am so appreciative of the SAMFund. Not just for their financial aid, but for the emotional boost they gave me in the process. I’m excited for them and their new video they just launch to share their SAMFund story and mission with the world.
Check out the new SAMFund video, and spread their cause with me!
April 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm Danielle B
Last fall, our family tree had a bit of growth.
I’m not talking about more babies or marriages (although that did happen), but genetically speaking, we had some movement in the genetic family tree.
You see, for about 10 years now, I’ve been the odd ball out when it comes to this colon cancer stuff. I’ve had a great-aunt who was known for polyps and a few great-grandparents who supposedly had colon cancer, but nothing that really gave any doctors insight that my colon cancer diagnosis was a family thing. I’ve had to answer “no” every time I’ve been asked if there’s a family history of the disease. And while that’s still the case, things got a little more interesting a few months ago.
My Cousin Eric
Meet Eric
This handsome stud (sorry gals, he’s got a gorgeous wife) is my cousin Eric. He’s lives in Nebraska and texted me out of nowhere several months ago asking me about blood in the stool. I immediately was concerned, as that was my main symptom of colon cancer.
Genetic testing I underwent a few years ago indicated that my mutated gene (commonly found in Lynch Syndrome) is most likely traveling through my dad’s side of the family. So, when Eric texted me (cousin on my dad’s side), I IMMEDIATELY told him to get a colonoscopy. Good thing his doctor was already headed there, or I would have driven up to Nebraska myself to make sure he got tested.
Colonoscopies Save Lives
Eric’s colonoscopy found that he had polyps growing in his large intestine. This young, twenty-something hunk (sorry again – he’s married, and actually has a baby on the way) indeed had pre-cancerous growths in his colon. Thankfully, they did a colonoscopy right away given his family history (sorry dude) and symptoms, and were able to remove the polyps safely. Now, Eric knows he’s at high risk for colon cancer and can get screened often to prevent an occurance.
Polypy Cousins
A Polypy Family
Don’t get me wrong, while this might seem like I’m excited, I’m bummed that Eric has to deal with this too – yet so relieved that he caught it early. There’s a suspension that a weird variation of Lynch Syndrome is running through our family, thus the importance of everyone getting screened. (That’s right you Ripleys who are reading this – get your rears CHECKED OUT NOW.)
If you are like our family and have someone who’s been diagnosed with colon cancer — and especially someone diagnosed with colon cancer UNDER AGE 50 — get yourself into a gastroenterologist and get your colon checked NOW.
It’s nothing to play around with.
April 15, 2011 at 4:17 pm Danielle B
My friend Brian sent me a link to this site the other day. A-mazing. Some of what we’ve covered here on the Semicolon blog before is also on this awesome graphic; but some of it’s new info. While I realize that not everyone loves talking or thinking about poop as I do, I try to share the love with you because who knows – it just might save your lives one day, too.
Enjoy!
Via: OnlineSchools.org
March 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm Danielle B
I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel.
Philippians 1:12
Well, the big day is here. For at least six months, I’ve dreamed of what this day would entail. Last year, it was a hard, emotional day. I actually titled my post “My Personal 9/11.” I had so many emotions, and many of them included shock and pain from being diagnosed a second time. But as this day neared, and the reality that I’ve shown cancer who’s boss for 10 years now set in, I have become overwhelmed with joy and excitement for this day.
As I’ve thought about what to share on this annual post, the word that kept rolling through my mind was “redeemed.” Everything can be redeemed.
Everything can be Redeemed
“Redeem” is a churchy-word these days. Except when it comes to coupons. When you “redeem” a coupon, you give the clerk a slick, glossy piece of paper and in return, you get a benefit. Sometimes it’s $1 off, sometimes you get an item free. But once something that seemed worthless (a piece of paper with a bar code) has suddenly been redeemed and gone through the store’s checkout system, all of a sudden it has extreme value.
As I look back over my 10 years on this cancer journey, I have an abundance of joy this year knowing that my cancer is being redeemed – and only through my faith in Jesus Christ. What has seemed just hard and painful, and often worthless to me, has been made glorious and new because it’s been sent through the filter of Jesus Christ and the Gospel.
Opportunities from Cancer
God’s redeeming my cancer – and He’s not done yet. He’s opened up innumerable opportunities for me to share my faith and the Gospel with others. He’s given me an outlet and a way to connect with people who I would have never met otherwise. He’s helped keep others healthy, as I LOVE getting random Facebook messages from people asking me about their poo. He’s given me the experiences of a lifetime – whether it’s marrying my caretaker, modeling for a calendar, getting a tattoo, or even dropping the puck at a hockey game. And the biggest redemption in my book thus far; He used my second diagnosis of cancer to put on us on a path of domestic adoption – a path that’s recently let us to the baby girl we will be adopting within about a week.
10 Year Cancer-versary
God is good, and today, on my 10 year “cancerversary,” I sing his praises louder than I ever have before. As we sang in church this morning, “Oh God, you are my God, and I will ever praise you…” tears streamed down my face. A song of strength, as I’ve sung this to myself over and over to get through some of the hardest days. But also tears of joy, as I will soon be singing this same song to my daughter so that she can know and love God – and sing of his redemption in her life, too.
To all of my friends, family, physicians and support network who’s been with me for over 10 years, today I express my deepest gratitude to you. Thank you for loving me and supporting me on this journey. And while I had dreams to make this day a big celebration, or even put on a big fundraiser for the Colon Club… I felt it was best to keep it simple and point all things back to the Cross. That other stuff can come later.
As the verse I opened with in Philippians says, I count all things that have happened to me (including a young colon cancer diagnosis) as an opportunity to further the Gospel. I plead with you today, if you’re not sure of your faith, to send me a message and let’s talk. My faith in Christ alone has gotten me through my darkest days, and I guarantee that whatever struggle you’re doing through, whatever suffering you have, Christ is just waiting at the door, waiting to redeem your hurts, too. If you know Christ, but you’re struggling right now, don’t give up. Christ has you in His hands, and He will get you through this. He will redeem whatever struggle you have, too.
For I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.
Philippians 1:19-20
January 23, 2011 at 5:15 pm Danielle B
So as you might be able to tell, I’ve just run with this whole “semicolon” thing.
The nice thing for me is that since I’m a blogger and a writer – it works. For those who have no idea who I am, they think I’m obsessed with the semicolon – like my friend Ditty. 🙂
But for those of you who know me, you know exactly where it comes from. Oh – as well as the nice teller at the bank who nicely asked the origin of my (weird!) business name.
So as I was trying to come up with a name for my small business last spring, this was a natural fit. I used “communications” to house all the different types of things I do and felt the “semicolon brand” best personified who I am, and my driving force for try new things – like building up a random freelance business!
I can’t really say anything except that God is good to me, and His plans are way better than mine. What started as a small way to start making a few extra dollars last year has become somewhat of a growing business! I’m finding my business is growing, as well as my client and to-do list! Of course, all of this growth has been on the heels of our adoption – so the extra money certainly has helped our endeavors!
As I really began to get going with Semicolon Communications, God put Midwest GI in my path as my first big client – and then followed a connection with Amy Driver, owner of DA Designing. Partnering with Amy this past year has allowed me to expand my portfolio, become an official “freelance copy writer” and meet some more awesome connections, like Rob from Turn The Page Marketing who’s hired me as his SEO businesses’ copy writer. And this is just the beginning… I’ve got a few more leads that have come in lately, and I have a feeling that this is only the beginning…
So with that said, I have to say that God is good, and I am enjoying his unexpected plan and blessings. And two – I am excited to unveil the official Semicolon Communications website. Here.
What a wild ride it’s been the past year. I can’t wait to see what happens from here…
* A special thanks to DA Designing for this AMAZING site. It’s an honor working with you guys.
January 11, 2011 at 4:04 pm Danielle B
For anyone else out there who suffers from IBS-type “stuff” – boy do I have some good news for you.
Toward the end of October, I was having some major trouble. I have had a relatively easy-going experience with my bathroom habits ever since my surgery over a year ago, considering I have 12 inches of large bowel left. I’ve certainly had my days and weeks, but generally, it had been going well. But all of the sudden, it’s like my body remembered that I hardly have a colon and started revolting. And it’s favorite time to revolt? About 3am.
I’ve been doing some freelance work for Dr. Taormina and happened to ask him if he had any tips for what might be going on with me. He suggested that I try a probiotic. He’s never steered me wrong yet, so with his advice, I went for it.
And then I began hearing the angels in heaven singing.
Well, not really. But let’s just say after four weeks now of taking the probiotic, my problems are (mostly) gone. And the two occasions where I’ve had problems – I forgot to take the pill that day.Which means… I am definitely on the probiotics train now.
What Are Probiotics?
Basically, probiotics are a dietary supplement that help get your digestive system balanced. Probiotics are good bacteria, and essential for healthy digestion. Because the percentage of good bacteria naturally decreases as we age, our bodies sometimes need help getting some extra good stuff in. Often times diet and stress can disrupt the natural balance of good bacteria, and a probiotic can help balance you back out.
While there are a ton on the market, I will say that I’ve been taking a supplement called Align. There are several others out there – just make sure before you buy one that the #1 ingredient is not sugar. (Look on the back of the bottle.) I’d recommend going with a GI-doctor suggested pill before purchasing anything expense at your fancy drug store. Align is a little pricey (it was around $25 for a month’s supply) – but let me tell you – it’s totally worth it for this semicolon gal.
So that’s it folks. For any of my fellow GI-suffers, try it out and let me know how it goes, okay?
November 28, 2010 at 8:56 pm Danielle B
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So as I was trying to come up with a name for my small business last spring, this was a natural fit. I used “communications” to house all the different types of things I do and felt the “semicolon brand” best personified who I am, and my driving force for try new things – like building up a random freelance business!
Basically, probiotics are a dietary supplement that help get your digestive system balanced. Probiotics are good bacteria, and essential for healthy digestion. Because the percentage of good bacteria naturally decreases as we age, our bodies sometimes need help getting some extra good stuff in. Often times diet and stress can disrupt the natural balance of good bacteria, and a probiotic can help balance you back out.
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