Reason #26 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #26
The *as well as my colon cooperates* clause

For example, I had a long list of things to do today other than sit on the couch with a heating pad on my belly and run to the restroom every 15 minutes or so for most of the day. But oh well. Those $1 margaritas were well worth it last night. And if truth be told, I probably needed a slower day today.

March 26, 2010 at 1:46 pm Leave a comment

Reason #25 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #25
You’re the butt of the jokes.

Haha, get it? It’s actually pretty fun when you play along, but once you become a colon cancer survivor, be prepared for the harASSing that follows. Haha, get it again? Man I’m on a roll today.

March 25, 2010 at 7:50 pm 3 comments

Reasons #23 & #24 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #23
You’ll have to take it easy on the cheese

I’ve never really considered myself a cheese connoisseur, but lately I’ve realized how much I love it … but not its impact on the GI track. Too much cheese will equal too much gas, or bathroom time, or both, guaranteed.

Reason #24
Coffee-only mornings make you blow up like a blimp

Maybe it was just my day today, but I learned the hard way that I probably shouldn’t start my mornings off with black coffee and neglect to eat anything with it. I felt like the Good Air Blimp was inside of my stomach all day.

March 24, 2010 at 11:16 pm Leave a comment

Reason #22 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #22
Your pre-existing condition.

Yep people, I’ll touch on it a little bit. But for the sake of harmony and getting to the point rather than my preferences, I’ll keep my opinions to a minimum. Regardless on what side of the health care line you are on, anyone else who can relate to having a pre-existing condition knows the sigh of relief that comes with hearing that someone is noticing our dilemma. Right now, it happens to be our government. I’m not going to get into a debate whether or not the legislation passed last night was the right or wrong step, but I will put it out there that I’m happy that there IS now a step and that we’re actually talking about it. To be someone who has been treated for a medical condition (especially one I had NO control over) and then told that I cannot get the one thing I need now because of it (health insurance free from a group plan) is the sinful nature at it’s finest. Whether it’s the church, our communities, small business owners or our government that is working to fix this problem that impacts our time on Earth, at least we’re getting somewhere.

March 22, 2010 at 9:14 pm Leave a comment

Reasons #20 & #21 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Today’s two reasons are just cancer-specific. But hopefully they help give a small glimpse into the life of a survivor. No cancer is fun, and colon cancer tops that list (in my opinion.) And while I have learned to live with it and found many blessings that have come from it — it’s still not a disease I would wish upon anyone. As a mid-month message that will be repeated over and over — colon cancer is one of THE MOST preventable, treatable and beatable cancers out there. I’ll be the first in line to coach you through it if it indeed comes your way, but beg you to do whatever you can NOW to not see that day, especially if you’re over 50 and need a colonoscopy, or have a family history. Get your colons checked people!

Reason #20
Survivor’s Guilt

I’ve mentioned this before, but sometimes being a survivor is hard for reasons other than the obvious physical ones. As you watch and hear of others facing the disease and then losing their battles, unfortunate and inevitable guilt often hits. Not that you could have changed your course or theirs, but it’s definitely something to keep working through.

Reason #21
You’ll have the urge to start planning your funeral. (And all of the strange looks that follow when you start making requests.)

Not to be morbid or anything, but I often think about lining things up for my funeral, ya know, just in case. I know that it’s not guaranteed that I will go before anyone around me. But living through a major life-threatening disease (twice now) does open up your eyes to the reality that you won’t live forever. I’ve got a few songs that I’d like to be sung, and an idea of where I’d like proceeds to go. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to think of these things, but it does seem a little early for a 26-year-old to start making these plans.

March 21, 2010 at 10:32 pm Leave a comment

Reason #19 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #19
Some days you nap as often as a two year old.

A big part of staying healthy for me is getting enough sleep. Although I have a go-go-go personality and often keep a busy schedule, I always hit a point where sleep is imperative or things will not be good. It’s part of the deal of living as a semicolon and being able to leave the house some days.

March 19, 2010 at 10:15 am Leave a comment

Reason #18 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #18
Co-pays & deductibles

Uggghh, that says enough. We’re not going to get into a debate about health care here, but let’s just say it’s expensive and frustrating.

March 18, 2010 at 10:31 am Leave a comment

Reason #17 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #17
Bed Farts.

One of the most comfortable places in the world is bed. And one of the first things you do when you get comfortable as a semicolon is fart. Let’s just say I have a very forgiving, understanding husband who plays along and has found a way to clamp down the sheets hard enough to trap it in and laugh with me.

March 17, 2010 at 10:30 am Leave a comment

Reason #16 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #16
The scar down your stomach looks like an incomplete six-pack.

Now my friends and family say it’s really not that bad, but I’m still not a huge fan of the scar running down my entire abdomen. Some days I’m more fond of it and kind of like it. Other days I feel like it looks like some kind of Cesarean gone wrong or messed up six pack. I’m working on it….

March 16, 2010 at 10:30 am Leave a comment

Reason #15 You Never Want Colon Cancer

Reason #15
Kiss the careless french fry eating days away.

NOT that you can’t eat French fries after you’ve had colon cancer. But you definitely think twice about how much you eat, especially when they’re still dripping in oil. The more oil and french fry consumption, the greater the chance that you’ll get a lot of bathroom magazine reading done that night.

March 15, 2010 at 10:30 am Leave a comment

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