Posts tagged ‘colon cancer’
Until I recently started tossing around the idea of seeing a counselor, I had no idea about the “stigma” that went with it. Sort of like when I got the tattoo on the left side of my belly and people told me AFTERWARDS how tender that spot is – that’s what this venture into counseling has felt like. I didn’t realize some of the perceptions that went along with it until I entered the world.
For the past several months I’d tossed around the idea of seeing a professional counselor. Life has it’s way of throwing curve balls, and they had just been adding up in my case. When they come one at a time, I can handle them. But when it feels like I’m at the batting cages and the machine that’s throwing pitch after pitch is broken, and they just keep coming one after the other, faster and faster — I knew it was time to get some help.
So, a great friend gave me a resource and I started meeting with a lady last week to help me work through some of life’s big issues that have come my way. And lucky for my readers and anyone else on the internet who googles counseling, cancer, or “do Twizzlers make your poop red?” — my most popular google search listing, I have decided to blog about it. Too many of us out there need help, but so many of us won’t go get it. It makes sense to go to the oncologist, radiologist and every other “ologist” we need for our bodies, but when it comes to our minds, we feel we can handle it. At least that was me until a few weeks ago when I finally broke down and signed up for some help.
Someone mentioned to me that when you go to counseling, something must be “really wrong,” and that’s why many people don’t want to go. I thought about that for a little bit and found it interesting. First, because just about everyone will say seeing a counselor is something good for you to do; and second, if trying to work through issues related to two bouts of cancer, infertility, family, jobs, relationships and an array of other things isn’t “really wrong” – I don’t know what is.
So, I started meeting with a counselor. And I’m really enjoying it so far. I’m one week in and have already learned a lot. I wouldn’t say anything is fixed, solved or that I’ve figured out my life, but at least I feel like I’m on the path to feeling more “me” again. I’m glad to have reached the point where I’m ready to conquer the emotional and mental side of this disease as well and stop running and hiding from all that scares or frightens me, even if it does come with the perception that something must be really wrong with me. Because let’s face it, sometimes living through colon cancer isn’t that much fun. But there are people out there to help us get hope again, and that’s exactly what I am set out to do.
July 6, 2010 at 10:48 am Danielle B
Hi….you spurred me on to have a colonoscopy this past Monday…..
That’s how an awesome email I received a few days ago began from one of my faithful blog readers. Receiving feedback like this makes the risk of putting out my life stories on this crazy blog all the more worthwhile.
Here’s the thing about SemiColon Stories … it’s been tagged as a “humorous” blog as of late. That cracks me up in itself. You see, when I set out on my blogging ship last fall, I didn’t really have any intentions of trying to be funny. I just thought I’d work on my writing skills and use a subject I have lots of material to write about. I’d share things about my life to help tell everyone else about colon cancer while becoming a better writer.
Well, what’s fun to me is that my little writing project has turned into something so much more. I don’t write the short, memoir-esque stories I had planned on and instead give snippets about daily life and what’s on my mind … or coming out of my rear. And in the meantime, people have found it insightful, interesting, (maybe gross), humorous, and even motivating. It’s gotten people talking about all things colon, which is awesome, and others are taking steps toward improving their colon health – or at least eating better foods.
So here’s to everyone who’s been affected by SemiColon Stories thus far. If it’s provided you a good laugh, that’s awesome and I hope you keep enjoying my crazy colon stories. If it’s made you buy one organic item at the store, you go! If it’s given you a deeper understanding about surviving cancer in general, I hope you spread awareness for us (or at least have patience when we can’t remember anything or have an occasional identity crises.) And last, if it’s actually spurred you on to look twice at your poo, encourage a friend to do the same, or even get a colonoscopy – you rock my face off and keep it going!
June 27, 2010 at 10:46 pm Danielle B
I remember how cold the OR waiting room was a year ago. For whatever reason, the warm blankets weren’t cutting it that morning. Maybe it was the frigid temperatures of the hospital, or it possibly could have been that my nerves were fried and my body temperature off. Plus, the sterile wall paint color wasn’t helping calm me either.
My family was crammed into the tiny 12×12 space they allotted me. We had mom, dad, Mike, Nick, and I think at one point Mike’s parents joined us too. It was comforting yet scary. Looks of compassion, yet fear behind the glances. Everyone, including myself, hated that I was in that spot again. The tubes, tape, ugly hospital gown – we all hated that I had to go through it again. But what gets me is that we didn’t even realize what was to come.
The surgery went relatively “well” in surgery terms, except for that it kicked off a three-week extravaganza of me residing in a hospital bed after many complications and a second surgery. Apparently removing almost all of your large intestines through a major colon surgery isn’t always a four-day cake walk. For some, it is. Unfortunately, I drew the small stick that day because in addition to a physical “hospital-esque” beating, I was handed my second diagnosis of colon cancer.
I struggled going into surgery. I had a heavy feeling that I was entering something much more than just life without colon. And after my pathology reports confirmed that the polyp-in-question was indeed colon cancer again, I understood why something inside of me just didn’t feel right.
You know, cancer is a beast. It’s scary, confusing and just mind-blowing. And although today marks a day where I “should be” celebrating that I’m “one year cancer free… again” I just see it differently this time. I’ve had a one-year cancer free anniversary before, it was in January 2002 and this upcoming year I will have been a 10 year survivor. But today feels so different than any other cancer anniversary I’ve had. It is joyous and exciting, but it’s also emotionally difficult because as much as I want to celebrate it, I don’t feel “cancer free.” My CEA levels and path reports may indicate it, but my heart doesn’t feel it. And I’m not sure that it will ever get back to feeling quite right.
I say all of this not to be a bummer, nor gather a crowd to feel bad for me. But I say it to be real, and to hopefully encourage any other survivors or caregivers out there who are going through the same thing. Today I celebrate that I’m only in a routine of check-ups and that I’m able to live a “normal” life … from the outside. I celebrate that I’m not hooked up to a chemo bag nor sent through a radiation tube each week, and that I haven’t been for nearly 9 years. I rejoice that we found the cancer early one year ago, and that it was completely removed with surgery.
But I also pray today for what’s to come. I pray that as much as I wish that this cancer book would just close, I have the strength to realize that it probably never will. I pray that I can put on the “armor” I need to stand strong and keep fighting it off when it continually tries to come back. And I pray that the further and further out from the cancer diagnosis I get, and the more and more I realize what being a cancer survivor really means, I’ll keep believing it’s why I’m here in the first place and find my joy in that.
June 9, 2010 at 9:24 am Danielle B
You ever get so wrapped up into something that you forget what life was like before the madness hit? I do.
The temptation to become so narrow-focused in the current situation comes on strong. It’s all too easy to lose sight of who I really am and what I’m all about. It’s hard to remember that life was going on before the madness hit, and that life is continuing as I wade through it.
Whether I’m in the midst of fighting cancer or dealing with an intense workload – it happens.
But I must remember that the world is still turning. I need to widen my view and remember there are things happening outside of my madness. There are other people with issues, causes and situations just as big as mine. I had a life before, and I will have one after. And actually – if I allow myself, I can have one in it’s midst.
Reminders to me that the world is still turning …
Oh my husband. We celebrated five years of being married earlier this month. He’s a ton of fun, and such a gem.
Oh this precious thing. I’m finding that being around kids can help take your mind off of some of life’s heavy stuff. Of course I realize I’m saying that as the friend and “cool Aunt B” and not a parent.
My green thumb is a growing! Here’s bean, along with his friends Tom, Pep and Zuc. I do my part and water, God does his and makes it grow.
Warning: spotlight sharing
I realize there are other issues in the world besides colon cancer. My friend Amy is passionate about one of them: Liberia. We traveled to Carbondale, IL to view the first showing of the documentary “Rainbow Town” her and her team help put together about a Liberian orphanage. You should check it out, it’s awesome.
June 8, 2010 at 1:20 pm Danielle B
I’ll admit, sometimes I live in denial.
Maybe it’s just that I want to blend in. Or, it could be that the new burger botique across from my workplace keeps calling my name, and regardless of what will happen after I try it, I decide to go anyway.
While it’s fun (and in my opinion, very needed) to occasionally live in denial when you’re someone who has IBS-like symptoms, it’s only fun after a few days or at the very most, weeks, if you’re lucky.
So, after the past few weeks of splurging on all of the truffle fries, burgers, greasy tacos and oh, so much more… I’m taking the next few weeks to get back to feeling healthy. I’m ready to have my energy back, stop using the restroom at 1am, and eliminate the constant abdominal ache.
And, for the sake of accountability, and to help educate the world about life after colon cancer and colon surgery, I’ve decided to blog about it. Aren’t you lucky!!
So… I’m still formulating my plan. But here’s what Day 1 of my “Less-IBS” plan has looked like so far. Stay tuned for oh, so much more.
DAY 1 of Less-IBS
1. Get plenty of sleep. I’ve been running on “E” or “too close to E” for a few weeks now. This majorly impacts my mood and attitude, but even more my GI tract. Enough sleep = much better chances to having a better day.
2. Read about the triggers, remind myself of a good IBS diet to follow. Two resources I’ve used:
IBS diet recommendations from Midwest GI
Great website… and book. My mom bought me the book last summer after colon surgery and I refreshed my mind with its helpful tips and ideas this morning.
3. Plan my meals. Oatmeal for breakfast, got some soup for lunch, and set out chicken to cook for dinner. The more planning I can do, the better this is going to go.
4. Store list. “Eating for IBS” has helped me know what to keep my kitchen stocked with. I’m down on some of the important ingredients, must go soon.
Okay, so that’s my plan for Day 1…. we’ll see how this goes.
May 19, 2010 at 12:40 pm Danielle B
Yeah, having cancer is really hard.
Yeah, it’s also one of the most eye-opening experiences you will ever have.
No, it doesn’t always hurt.
Yeah, it often does. Or at least the tests for it are a huge pain and the stuff you drink tastes nasty. Colon surgery is no cake walk either.
Yeah, I’m usually feeling pretty good. I’m recovered from surgery.
Yeah, I’m still learning the ropes to life without much colon even 10 months later.
No, I would never ask for a double-colon surgery ever again.
Yeah, others have had worse than me, though.
Yeah, it’s hard to keep up morale sometimes.
Yeah, it’s way easier with good friends and family.
No, that doesn’t always cut it though.
Yeah, sometimes you do just need a day or night alone to take it all in.
Yeah, I think about cancer just about every day.
No, not because I’m directly fighting it right now or on chemo. But because its implications impact me each day.
Yeah, I’ve found a way to manage them.
No, I still don’t have it mastered, and I want my proverbial security blanket back.
Yeah, I still go poop and am one of the lucky ones. I can eat salad.
Yeah, I do wish I could have my colon back some days though.
No, I don’t regret having it removed. I’d rather have the least risk possible.
Yeah, that was probably me that farted.
No, I don’t like colonoscopies.
Yeah, I’m still going to tell you to get one until the day I die. You really need to get checked as you age or have problems.
No, they’re really NOT that bad.
Yeah, drinking that stuff and spending all night on the toilet is never fun for anyone. But suck it up and do it.
Yeah, I sometimes am saddened because I can’t have my own kids thanks to the surgeries and cancer treatments.
No, I don’t talk about it a lot.
Yeah, there is hope for us and adoption will be great one day.
No, we’re not ready for that yet.
Yeah, it’s frustrating to pay so much for medical care. Especially when other DINKS can do so much other fun stuff with their money.
Yeah, I struggle with that sometimes.
No, I don’t think we’ve got it as bad as so many others in the country.
Yeah, I feel blessed that we’ve been taken care of so far.
Yeah, I appreciate all of the comments about being strong and inspirational.
No, I don’t always know how to respond.
Yeah, I do feel like I’m still living in a fog sometimes. I don’t know if the impact of what I’ve gone through, what’s to come, or what’s looming over me some days really sinks in.
Yeah, the days that it does are hard. Thus, this post.
Yeah, I feel guilty sometimes when I see other survivors going through chemo or loosing their battles.
Yeah, I get jealous when others get clear results.
No, I would never wish sickness or this disease upon anyone. I truly rejoice at clear reports.
Yeah, I would trade it in myself if I could.
Yeah, I genuinely do still have hope most days.
Yeah, I think a long life ahead of me is definitely attainable.
No, my smile usually isn’t fake or fabricated.
Yeah, I’ve tried to find a way to embrace the aging effect and unique perspective all while acting my age.
Yeah, I’m typing this because today was a rough day.
Yeah, this blog helps and is therapeutic.
No, my day’s not all bathroom-related although maybe a little bit.
Yeah, it’s more about the emotional side of things tonight and what I have faced, and still face, hits me every now and then.
Yeah, I can’t do a post like this and not mention my faith.
Yeah, I think in the end, it’s what will really matter.
No, it’s not always easy for me to believe and trust that there’s a bigger plan and a greater world out there God’s created for us.
Yeah, I know it to be true though and that’s what gets me through.
May 4, 2010 at 9:52 pm Danielle B
Reason #31
You just don’t.
Good reason, huh? Sorry for the tardiness of my last post. I didn’t quite get to it by the 31st, and the last thing I wanted was for it to be an April Fools joke!
For my last reason though, I thought I’d take the liberty and ask everyone to take me seriously for a second and just trust me on this one. I’ve had a blast shedding some light and humor on what some of us who’ve been through the colon cancer ringer go through. Instead of sounding like whiney babies all of the time, most of us make the most out of it and find a way to laugh about some of the things we go through… most days. Hopefully you’ve been able to laugh with me and get a new perspective about life without colon!
But on the serious side, I ask that you also take to heart some of the pleas to prevent colon cancer if you can. I’ve said it before, but being a cancer survivor is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s given me a passion for life and health that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I’ve got a perspective that’s unique, and I would not trade it for anything.
But, with that being said — I would absolutely go back and prevent getting the disease if I knew I was going to get it. Living without a colon isn’t always fun, and pretty annoying some days. I’ve given 31 reasons why it’s often inconvenient, and there could be many, many more. And these are the ones that are post-able.
My plea today is this: if you can, prevent getting colon cancer. It’s one of the most preventable, beatable, and treatable diseases out there. If it runs in your family, keep an eye on your poo and your body. If you’re over 50, get a colonoscopy – just do it. If you see blood or anything suspicious in your stool, get it checked out. You may be 17, or you may be 60 — but my story shows that regardless of your age — it’s beatable, and especially if you catch it early. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Take it from me.
April 2, 2010 at 12:28 pm Danielle B
Reason #29
Your favorite doctor is #1 in the #2 business
Not that this is a negative in my life, but when you’re a colon gal, you see the colon doc a lot. I thought this would be a good opportunity to do a shameless plug for my GI doc, Dr. Taormina at Midwest Gastroenterology. Midwest GI saved me the pains that many of my fellow survivor friends have gone through in that I was not misdiagnosed. Although I was a young, 17-year-old with braces on my teeth who entered their office with some rectal bleeding, they still gave me the full colonoscopy and found my cancer as early as they had the chance. I’d recommend them to anyone in the area needing help with all GI-related issues. They are definitely my go-to place.
Ask Dr. T!
Speaking of Midwest GI and “issues,” Dr. T is actually going to become a feature on the Semicolon Stories blog. I’m often asked bowel-related questions since colon stuff seems to be my “thing.” Well, instead of me trying to give medical advice, Dr. T has agreed to answer questions that you guys have. If anything is looking funny, feeling funny or just not right, ask away! Curious about the latest trends, vitamins and what’s safe? Ask away! He’ll know the real answers rather than me just relating to your bloating problems and trying to diagnose you, or give you my opinions! We’ll send him a list of questions a few times each month, and he’ll give his doctor’s advice about what you should do!
If you have a question, you can submit a comment. It will not be posted on the blog (I have control over what is posted) and it will be kept anonymous. For example if you’re wondering why you can’t stop farting, the question will look like this:
Dear Dr. T,
Please help! I cannot stop farting, especially after eating lettuce and teriyaki! Yikes!
Sincerely,
Gassy Girl
So… let the games begin and start sending in your questions! Send us questions about anything and everything, and we’ll have an “Ask Dr. T.” post every few weeks. This should be fun!
March 29, 2010 at 11:06 pm Danielle B
Today’s two reasons are just cancer-specific. But hopefully they help give a small glimpse into the life of a survivor. No cancer is fun, and colon cancer tops that list (in my opinion.) And while I have learned to live with it and found many blessings that have come from it — it’s still not a disease I would wish upon anyone. As a mid-month message that will be repeated over and over — colon cancer is one of THE MOST preventable, treatable and beatable cancers out there. I’ll be the first in line to coach you through it if it indeed comes your way, but beg you to do whatever you can NOW to not see that day, especially if you’re over 50 and need a colonoscopy, or have a family history. Get your colons checked people!
Reason #20
Survivor’s Guilt
I’ve mentioned this before, but sometimes being a survivor is hard for reasons other than the obvious physical ones. As you watch and hear of others facing the disease and then losing their battles, unfortunate and inevitable guilt often hits. Not that you could have changed your course or theirs, but it’s definitely something to keep working through.
Reason #21
You’ll have the urge to start planning your funeral. (And all of the strange looks that follow when you start making requests.)
Not to be morbid or anything, but I often think about lining things up for my funeral, ya know, just in case. I know that it’s not guaranteed that I will go before anyone around me. But living through a major life-threatening disease (twice now) does open up your eyes to the reality that you won’t live forever. I’ve got a few songs that I’d like to be sung, and an idea of where I’d like proceeds to go. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to think of these things, but it does seem a little early for a 26-year-old to start making these plans.
March 21, 2010 at 10:32 pm Danielle B
Oh blog readers, I am back. Sorry, crazy week. In light of the craziness, I have been reminded of some of the intricacies of being a colon cancer survivor. Here are a few that have impacted this week:
Reason #8
Everyone prefers to “use their own barn,” but you often don’t have that option.
And when you don’t, it’s so embarrassing. You see, most of us semicolons don’t have the purse or pocket space to carry around our own air freshener and we’d look like freaks, or terrorists, if we carried around a box full of matches.
Reason #9
As appetizing as the new fiber bars on the market look and smell, you’d better just stay away.
Dang you Kashi – you’ve got one that looks awesome too. But no matter how good you smell nor how cool your packaging works, there’s NO WAY I am even testing you out before a night away from home.
Reason #10
A heavy dose of stress works just like a bottle of MiraLax.
Some nights after a long day it’s like I’m preparing for a colonoscopy but without the day of fasting and scope in the morning.
Reason #11
Your dilemma: A healthy diet is full of fresh veggies, whole grains, nuts and seeds. Some of your worst days are full of fresh veggies, whole grains, nuts and seeds.
This one is still stumping me. I’m constantly fighting the balance of eating very healthy, whole, nutrient-full foods while keeping in mind those are often hardest on my colon. I am personally fortunate that I can still eat salads and other veggies that aren’t steamed given my situation. Many other semicolons don’t have it as fortunate.
March 12, 2010 at 4:57 pm Danielle B
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Oh this precious thing. I’m finding that being around kids can help take your mind off of some of life’s heavy stuff. Of course I realize I’m saying that as the friend and “cool Aunt B” and not a parent.
My green thumb is a growing! Here’s bean, along with his friends Tom, Pep and Zuc. I do my part and water, God does his and makes it grow.
Warning: spotlight sharing
Semicolon Stories 