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I am a blog liar. Dairy Dilemma- Part 2 today will come tomorrow.
Bro&Sis
Today, I am writing a post in honor of my brother who is getting a colonoscopy tomorrow.
Andy and I are less than 13 months apart. I know what you’re thinking and although my parents deny it every time, I still think he was an “oops” baby. They swear he was planned. And all of the parents who’ve had kids less than 15 months apart say: “riiiight.”
Anyway, my immediate family has been put on a “Cancer’s Most Wanted” list because of my crazy case of colon cancer. They’re all seen as high-risk. We’re in the process of genetic testing to help rule out some of those risks, but until then, they’re stuck with getting frequent colonoscopies. Sorry guys!
Although the nitty-gritties about a colonoscopy seem unbearable, it’s really not that bad. You’re not even awake during the test. They put you out, and you wake up minutes later remembering the lollipops and flying unicorns you dreamed about while the GI doc scanned your butt. You go home, sleep it off, and carry on your merry way.
The hardest part about a colonoscopy is the day of prep before. You cannot eat the day before your test, and then you clean out your colon later that evening. This can be a pretty unpleasant day, but after having over five colonoscopies over the past nine years or so, I’ve picked up a few tips along the way.
My Colonoscopy Survival Kit.
Read ’em and poop!
– A large pasta dinner the evening before your “clean out” day. This will help you not be starving when you wake up.
– Naked Juice. Beware of the red/pink flavors, as well as the thick smoothie varieties, but many of these juices not only give you 100% real fruit in a liquid form, but can help you feel full.
– Jello and Broth. The jello is thicker so it makes you feel like you’re chewing and eating something. The broth will also help curve your cravings better than juice.
– Flavored tea or Crystal Light. If you’re using the prep that must be mixed with a clear liquid (they often recommend lemon lime flavor) and you enjoy a Sprite or 7-up – don’t mix it with that. Go for something you can stand, but not prefer. I couldn’t drink Sprite for years after I learned this the hard way.
– Scott’s Flushable Wipes. Don’t worry, these are sold in the adults section. While it might seem embarrassing, I recommend their usage. After so many trips to the bathroom your rear can get raw. These help prevent that. Even if you don’t opt for these, at least don’t use cheap toilet paper. Go for the Charmin Soft on this night.
– A great magazine. Again, you’ll be hitting the pot a lot. Take something with short, small articles you can read and come back to over, and over, and over.
– A nightlight. Hopefully you’ll be done pooping by the time you go to bed, but just in case the midnight run comes along, it’s best not to fall and crack your head on the sink at 3am. Just get a nightlight so you can sit in the dark and not worry about the light.
November 17, 2009 at 8:00 pm
It’s a horrible feeling. You head down the frozen foods aisle with the goal of finding mixed vegetables and all of the sudden the colorful, fun ice cream packages from across the aisle start chanting your name. Between the swirls, sprinkles, candy-covered shells and cookie dough balls it feels like if you don’t open up the glass door and add one to your cart – you’ll be missing out on the party of a lifetime. You start to entertain the thought as you realize they’ve added even more candy bar ice cream boxes to the shelf when you suddenly snap into reality, walk back across the aisle, locate the vegetables, fill up your cart, and get the heck out of aisle 13.
For many of us semi-colons, and actually a lot of lactose intolerants, it’s hard to not join the party. Dairy is so good! That creamy milk softening your cereal, the hot stringy cheese covering the pizza, or the yummy ice cream making summertime memories is hard to pass up. But it seems like even the average person is developing a strong love/hate relationship with dairy these days. My husband has recently discovered he’s lactose intolerant thanks to Pizza Hut, and it seems like half of the kids I know these days cannot digest regular milk.
As a semi-colon, I can relate to having “issues” with dairy. Many of them fall into everyday lactose intolerance symptoms: multiple bathroom trips, cramping, bloating, and Captain Uncomfortable: gas. But as I’ve had more and more colon removed, I’ve had one big additional side effect from dairy consumption: burning. I’m guessing the sensation can be similiar to grown-up diaper rash or just a hefty case of hemmoroids – but only while the dairy is in your GI tract. It seems to automatically go away once it’s in and out.
Despite all of these adverse effects, I’ve not vowed to give up dairy. I love a good bowl of cereal way too much. Plus, we live within walking distance to this great little ice cream shop named Poppy’s and I have to take advantage of it. So while I’ve not cut out all dairy from my diet, I have learned how to live with it’s side effects and actually skip over a few of them. Here are some tips that I’ve found while eating dairy as a semi-colon. I’ll even throw in a few ones for you lactose intolerants too while I’m at it:
Overall:
- Don’t overeat, and especially if you’re eating dairy. There’s something about packing your digestive system too full and then lacing dairy all the way through it that causes a nightmare. Try to have more of an empty stomach, or at least don’t be totally full, when eating dairy stuff. (or anything for that matter.)
- Eat starch with dairy. If you are going to go for the big bowl of ice cream, eat something carb-based first. This will help line your stomach and GI tract so that the dairy isn’t shocking it, and give your GI something softer and easier to digest first.
- For you lactose intolerants – Mike’s been using Lactaid tablets and taking one with his first bit of dairy-based foods. It’s helped a lot.
Milk tips:
- Drink skim or low-fat milk. The whole, 2% milk can really throw me for a loop – and a bad one.
- Speaking of lattes, I skip the whip and request the nonfat milk. The extra whipped cream on the top is unneeded calories and not worth it.
- Soymilk doesn’t necessarilly make this better. I tried it. Might work for some, but didn’t for me.
- Lactaid also makes a brand of milk for you guys who want to drink milk and are intolerant. I’m sure there are other brands coming out soon. There’s even lactose-free soy milk on the shelves.
Yogurt:
- Yogurt is a mystery. Maybe if I understood the chemistry of food better I would understand. But yogurt doesn’t really seem to bother me or Mike. I’ve even started going for the large tub of plain, vanilla yogurt and throwing cranberries into it. Oh so good. Mike’s a Yoplait fan and loves the berry flavors. It might give us a little bit of Captain Uncomfortable (gas), but no burning or bloating. Yay!
- One tip if you go for yogurt – go for the most natural kind you can. There’s something about the blue stuff in tubes that doesn’t seem quite right.
Cheese:
- Go easy on the cheese. I haven’t cut out cheese, but I opt-out of having cheese-dominated meals. This has been very hard because I love mac & cheese. I haven’t cut it out, just not made a meal out of it.
- On pasta, I’ve had to do the same. I do opt for the fresh parmesean on the dish, but have had to not order the entrees that come blanketed with a warm layer of melted cheese.
- One exception is pizza. I’ve started eating a lot of cheese pizza and it’s gone pretty well. I make sure to monitor the grease though and go for freshly-made pizzas when possible. The more saucy, tomato-based, the better (for me the semi-colon.) Here are a few locations places in the KC-area that have not given me any issues with their pizzas (so far): Waldo Pizza, Spin! Pizza (their margherita pizza is out of this world), The Dish (in Liberty)
- There is something about ricotta cheese that tears me up. Everytime. Just a warning for you.
Ice Cream:
- And last but not least: ice cream! Sometimes ice cream won’t be a problem, and other nights it’s a nightmare. Of course, frozen yogurt is always a healthier way to go.
- Watch what you put on your ice cream, or the type of flavor. For me, the more pure and simple, the better. I’m going to handle a vanilla cone much better than I will a dish of ice cream with candy, chocolate and nut toppings.
- I have found that ice cream is much easier to digest than custard.
So, those are a few tips for a consuming dairy as a semi-colon (or even dairy-sensitive person in general.) I know these won’t work and apply to everyone, but they’ve helped me and hopefully might be able to help you.
Can you relate? Leave a comment and tell us your own tips, or experiences with dairy, even if you’re not a semi-colon!
And stay tuned tomorrow for the Dairy Dilemma – Part 2 where I’ll share some research and facts I’ve learned about dairy that I think everyone needs to know.
November 16, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I’ve eaten like crap all day. It’s not necessary causing a horrible day bathroom-wise, it’s just made me feel funny. Maybe just a little “off.” But some days, I need to do this. To remember I’m still human, and experience what I have to be thankful for.
In the season of Thanksgiving, I have much to appreciate. This entire year has been full of fear, suffering, pain and readjustment from a second colon surgery and second diagnosis of cancer. But looking at the experience that happened almost a year later, I am in a much better place than I ever thought I’d be.
I’m able to still enjoy life. I let myself heal after surgery for a few months and tried to keep my physical activity to a minimum and eat very little, bland food. But after awhile, I started feeling better.
I can once again eat the amazing onion rings at the cool bowling alley. I can visit “Kansas City’s Top Mexican Restaurant” and have a decent evening following the meal. I can go to boxing class again and run three miles. Sure, I’ve “gotta go” more than other people. But it’s so worth it now that I can finally live again.
There’s a lot of grumbling to be had when you’re a semi-colon. It does make life harder some days, and is a huge pain if you combine the wrong food with the wrong stress level on the wrong day. But other times, it’s really not so bad. And thankfully for me, those other times are becoming more frequent than not. And for that, I am very, very thankful.
November 13, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Things people with long colons don’t think twice about:
- Drinking a large Starbucks latte before boarding an airplane.
- Ordering an extra side of beans with the Mexican entree.
- Going for the grease-ball hamburger at lunch.
- Doing sit-ups, squats and lunges over and over and over.
- Cautiously eating Fiber One bars.
Things with people with semi-colons don’t think twice about:
- Passing on the “camping in the woods” trip.
- Paying extra for expensive toilet paper.
- Cursing when a guest bathroom doesn’t have spray.
- Changing a dirty diaper.
- Cautiously eating Fiber One bars.
November 12, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Today’s story veers from a colon-specific tale, but deals with something many semi-colons face: PET scans. I receive these scans because my colon was removed due to cancer. Here was my experience yesterday…
“Danielle?”
The nurse called my name and I entered the Radiology door. She escorted me to a closet-sized room that was very medical-feeling except for one frame hanging on the wall displaying her certificate of completion for IV therapy. I felt relieved when I noticed she had 10 years of experience. Plus, her cheery uniform matched her happy personality and helped calm my anxiousness.
She explained the routine for the morning: IV, infusion, sit in the dark, scan.
“Oh, and do you want a blanket?” she asked.
“No thanks, I’m OK.” I said.
For reasons I don’t understand, they keep the infusion and scanning rooms very chilly. She handed me a waver to sign, acknowledging that I understood the chemicals injected into my body proposed threats of kidney failure, hives, cramping, nausea, growing three arms, etc. I prayed that I wouldn’t suffer from the rare complications and signed my life away. (Just kidding about the three arms thing… at least as far as I know.)
The Lord has blessed me with good veins, so the IV was no big deal. She gently inserted the needle and taped down the plastic device hanging out of my arm with sturdy tape. She left me to rest and passed the torch to the PET technician. He was a taller guy who you didn’t want to mess with, yet friendly at the same time. It must have been his green scrubs. My favorite color. He entered the room.
“Need a blanket?” he asked.
“No thanks, I’m good.” I said.
He walked to the back of the closet and opened a metal safe in the wall. The safe had some sort of radioactive needle logo on it that gave of the impression of “CAUTION! THIS CONTAINS STUFF THAT IS EITHER DANGEROUS OR REALLY EXPENSIVE” on it. He pulled out a very thick, silver capsule that was sweating due to its cold temperature.
“This contains radioactive sugar isotopes,” he said.
“Great, I thought. Now I’m going to freaking glow.”
He proceeded to push the isotopes in the big, silver tube into my IV. I didn’t feel anything and in a few seconds, I started glowing! Just kidding, nothing happened.
“You sure you don’t need a blanket?” he asked again.
“I’m sure, I’m good.” I said. “Thanks though.”
He left the room and left me to marinate. For another reason I don’t understand, I had to sit in the dark once I received the injection for about 45 minutes. He was nice left the door cracked so I could read my book.
“Geez,” I thought. “It sure is nice when they remember what it feels like to be human.”
The 45 minutes went pretty fast thanks to my book. After a while the isotopes had gotten to me and I thought my bladder was going to pop. Plus, it ran through my semi-colon quickly as well. I got permission from the cheery nurse in the colorful uniform to use the restroom. I slowly stepped into the hallway, wondering if I would shrivel up in the light like the Wicked Witch of the West, but soon realized I was fine. I headed down the hallway to save myself from damaging yet another important organ and give my bladder a rest.
I was greeted by the PET technician outside the bathroom door as I made my exit. He was ready for me. I entered the room to see a large scanning machine. I hopped up onto a narrow sliding tray that went all the way through the machine.
“You need a blanket now?” he asked again.
“Sure, I’ll take one this time.” I replied. It was the least I could do, I felt bad for saying no over and over.
He propped my head with a pillow and supported my slightly bent knees. To take friendliness up one notch further, a serene photograph of leaves falling near creek was placed in lieu of a ceiling tile so his patients had something pretty to look at. I was impressed.
The machine began to slowly move and I quickly shut my eyes and held them tightly. I’m not typically claustrophobic, but for some reason MRIs and PETs can give me the hibbies.
“Remember, you’re not strapped down. You could get out of this. You’re OK. Breathe deep,” I told myself as the machine turned on and the scan began. “All you have to do is lay still for 25 minutes, and then it’s over.”
I tried to picture myself in a playground tunnel, probably a bright red one. The red ones look the most fun. I imagined that I was running from “bad guys,” and that I had chosen to crawl into the middle of the tunnel to hide out. I even tried to convince myself I heard muffled voices from outside the tube as bad guys ran through the pea gravel looking for me.
That worked for a few minutes. For the rest of the time I prayed about everything I could think of to take my mind off the fact I was laying on a cold, skinny tray in the middle of a large, thick tube scanning my vital organs for any traces of radioactive sugar isotopes attached to cancer cells.
I began to hear movement in the scanning room and accidentally opened my eyes. To my surprise, I was on the other end of the tube.
“That was painless,” I thought.
“You’re all finished,” he said.
The technician removed the IV from my arm and told me I was good to go. I thanked him for being so kind. As I sat up, I made sure to leave the blanket on the tray. I gathered my things and headed back toward the Radiology door.
Later, I was thinking about how funny it was that they kept offering me a blanket even though I was wearing sweats and it finally dawned on me. Yes, it was really cold. But in that moment, I saw life through their eyes. Seeing patient after patient worry in fear for their upcoming test as they put in IVs, watching them sit in dark closets and chase away anxieties, and directing them to lay still on a tray while you scan their bodies for cancer cells. A blanket was the only real way they could help and show they care.
I walked out of that clinic not knowing what my future held. PET scans are awesome because they detect cancer cells in your body. PET scans are scary though because they detect cancer cells in your body. I didn’t know how my results would end up. It could have gone either way. But even though the anxiousness started to creep back in, it didn’t matter. In that moment, I felt cared for. I appreciated my experience. I remembered the thoughtful staff members who offered hope in the midst of trial. And after a long day of testing, I was so thankful that I took the blanket.
November 11, 2009 at 8:37 pm
It was a beautiful summer evening and my husband and I had just returned from dining on Kansas City’s Plaza. Earlier that day we filled up on yummy appetizers, tacos and drinks at Mi Cocina, the fancy Mexican restaurant in the area.
When we got home the temperature was perfect for a walk around our neighborhood with the dogs. We live in an old house from the 1920s and love walking the streets to see the other houses in the area, although it often makes us feel like the weakest link. Our neighbors have beautifully manicured lawns and perfect balls of hydrangeas blooming amidst their tailored flower gardens. We’re lucky to keep the red geraniums alive in our two planters stationed at the end of our walkway.
We strolled along our usual path and headed toward the downtown area. We walked past the tall, traditional churches, cute downtown stores selling fine home decor, and local restaurants. On this evening the weather was so gorgeous, we kept walking to see the even bigger, older houses on the other side of downtown. Our dogs were loving the extra long walk just as much as us two newlyweds who were swinging our folded hands, walking down white picket-fenced neighborhoods and taking in our little slice of the American dream.
As we got further and further away from home, my stomach began to grumble and growl. I kept going thinking that I could “walk it off,” but quickly learned my body wasn’t thanking me for a long walk and delicious food. It was getting ready to rebel. I felt my stomach drop and the unique sensation of knowing that everything I ate had entered my intestines. I mentioned to Mike, “I think I’ve got a problem,” and we started walking faster. All of the sudden I didn’t care one bit about the old houses’ beauty and instead wondered how many restrooms they had.
Although I’m pretty outgoing, I’m also a little shy. I wasn’t about to knock on a stranger’s door and ask to use their restroom. I didn’t have time to explain the “I have a short colon, I had cancer, I ate Mexican tonight” story to someone whose bathroom I was after. So we kept walking faster.
We neared downtown and realized that it was so late in the evening, all of the stores were closed. I began to panic at the thought of acting like a two-year-old and having an accident right in the middle of the street. Sweat rolled down my face as I remembered God’s promise of “ask and you shall receive. ” I tried to ask nicely, but stressed that I needed a reply NOW.
In the midst of my mini-panic attack, I heard bells chiming from the baptist church behind me. We had married in their beautiful sanctuary and were previously involved in their young adult ministry which met in a small detached building near their back parking lot. Although we had switched churches a year ago, we looked at each other and wondered if the code to the door of the small building had remained the same. We hurried to the building and Mike typed in the code as I praised God for his impeccable memory. I heard the door slide open. We quietly tip-toed into the building and located their restrooms. I ran into the womens’ restroom, saw there wasn’t any TP, and sprinted back into the hallway and into the mens’. Finally, my crisis was averted.
Needless to say, we never returned to Mi Cocina. It has actually gone out of business since our visit. Although my immediate emergency was blamed on my semi-colon, Mike also had issues that evening which led us to believe something was wrong with the food. We’ve since taken many walks, however not returned to the other side of downtown. Maybe one day we’ll get enough nerve to go back. And although we no longer attend the baptist church, we feel forever grateful and debted to them. We’re thankful for their detached building in the parking lot, and that they never change the code.
November 10, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Welcome to the latest blog about colons.
I’ve created this blog for two reasons.
1. I am a young colon cancer survivor.
Actually, I’ve had colon cancer twice. I’m 25 years old. I’ve only got about 18 inches of my colon.
They say it’s good to have a place to let off steam. So I’ve created this blog. This will be my “dumping spot” for all things colon-related. I will be as candid as possible in my stories. I hope people with normal colons will find more appreciation after chomping down that plate full of refried beans without thinking twice, and my fellow semi-colons will find comfort that they’re not alone – and even laugh with me about what we go through.
2. I love to write.
Anne Lammott says to be a good writer, write every day. So my topic of choice that affects me every day: my colon, or lack thereof. Get ready for tales of the good and the bad. Maybe living through such a dramatic life event will have some rewards in the end.
So with that, welcome to blog. Let the games begin…
November 9, 2009 at 5:28 pm
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