Author Archive
January 9 – Pre-Church Meeting | Mae’s Adoption Journey
So although we hadn’t really dumped much expectation into the meeting at church, there were definitely some butterflies fluttering in my stomach as we got ready and headed that way. I didn’t want to care. I didn’t want to hope. Yet something in me was curious about this little gal. And don’t we all deep down wish that something crazy magical like this would happen to us?
We finally got to church. Mike had worship practice. And then we slipped away to meet Scott & Patti in the hotel lobby. Our church meets at the Hilton Garden Inn, so it’s never easy to find a super secret spot to meet, unless you want to rent a hotel room or something like that. So – we opted for the hotel lobby which was across the building from the conference room where we set up for church. This way we could meet privately. This was top-secret stuff.
As good friends, the four of us rolled up chairs to a round glass-top table and made it seem as though we were about to undergo a serious business transaction. I tried to control myself and not swing around in the chairs too much; I love a chair that rolls. But the conversation at hand called for seriousness and maturity. So, I tried to sit still as we opened up the somewhat awkward yet life-changing conversation.
Opening Conversations About a Baby
The conversation went smoothly as Scott & Patti explained to us the situation. Their friend was helping raise his niece. She was about 3-4 months old. He had come to the point that he was considering adoption for her. It was early in the process for him, and he still wasn’t completely sold – but definitely considering it. We immediately had come to their minds. And in the event he wanted to move forward with adoption for her, they were checking to see if we’d be interested.
Why This Fit the Burgesses
So much about this situation made them think of us. Mostly, we were already in the adoption process and desiring a domestic adoption. Our home study was complete. We were about ready to go active. Plus, the baby was biracial, and that was something we had requested in our adoption papers. They knew that she had been well cared for, and that she came from a good family. Plus, they knew her family would be looking for a good couple to raise her.
Why It Might Not Fit the Burgesses
While Scott & Patti felt like so many things fit, they made sure to present the situation carefully. They weren’t sure this was exactly what we were looking for, and we could tell the last thing they wanted to do was push it on us. But, also not wanting the opportunity to pass us by, they went ahead and mentioned it. Everything about it was awfully close to home – come to find out she was living only 10 minutes away from us. She wasn’t a brand new baby – she was already 3-4 months old. And, this would be more of an open adoption than we had planned for since we’d need to all work together to make this happen.
Um… Sure, We’d Go For It
After Scott & Patti explained the details, I looked to Mike to respond and lead the way. I’d felt like God had made it clear to me to let Mike guide this process all along, and so I wanted him to respond. I was all for pursuing it and seeing what God had up his sleeve. But I needed Mike to be, too. This was still such an up-in-the-air, hypothetical situation. She wasn’t definitely up for adoption yet. The big decision to find her a family hadn’t been made. But, the issue at hand was for us to decide to get involved, despite the lack of finality. What if … she was to be adopted … would we be interested? Not exactly the easiest decision – especially since we thought we had a plan for what our adoption was to look like. Did we really want to derail the process for a far-out opportunity? An opportunity like others that had already fallen through?
Despite the discomfort with the “what ifs,” and our desire to guard our hearts, we didn’t feel any red flags. Even as much as some of the scenarios didn’t match what we had in mind, something about it felt right. Sure, she lived in Lee’s Summit – but we knew our child would come from one of the 50 states – Missouri included. She wasn’t a “brand new” baby – yet months earlier I’d begun to feel like I wasn’t sure I was ready for an infant from the hospital. And while the open adoption scared us a bit, having friends like Scott & Patti vouch for everyone involved gave us much peace.
So, with that, we gave Scott the OK to mention us to his friend if he decided that adoption would be best for his niece. We weren’t really sure what to expect, nor if this would really all happen. A large part of us doubted it, yet there were small slivers of hope that this might actually be it.
“You want to see a picture?”
With the agreement to move forward, Scott offered one of the biggest carrots you can give someone that’s adopting – a photo. Mike quickly shook his head no, he didn’t want to see a picture yet. There was still too much uncertainty about the whole thing, he didn’t want to get any more emotionally attached to the situation. I quickly followed Mike in saying no, but only a second later changed my mind. For me, I needed this to be more real if it indeed was happening. So I agreed and leaned over to see my first sights of a sleeping beauty.
A cute little kiddo was softly sleeping in her pack-and-play. Not sure how I should feel, I looked over and told Mike she was cute. I didn’t exactly get all gushy, but seeing her face definitely made things more real. There was a baby, she might need a family. And we’re first in line if the gun went off.
And with that, we needed to go. Church was about to start.
We still weren’t really sure what to expect. But we figured why not check it out until God closed a door.
Except after only 12 hours, we realized that God wasn’t closing doors.
Instead, He was opening them.
January 8 – The Text | Mae’s Adoption Journey
After a year, I think it has “sunk in” that Mike & I are now parents to the beautiful Miss Mae. Please join me this month as we travel down memory lane. I’ve not yet told our full adoption story in the blog. Join me as I reminisce. Get caught up if you’re still confused about how on earth we became parents. Be encouraged if you too are on the adoption path. And through each day, may God be glorified.
January 8th – Holy Cow – This Will Be Us Soon….
That’s exactly what we were thinking at this time, on this date, last year. Our friends Scott & Amy had just had baby Ayla the previous day and we made a trip to Blue Springs to visit them in the hospital. We pulled up and giggled when we parked in the “ministerial parking” spot. I figured my church job had to pay off somehow.
We entered the maternity ward and located their room. Of course, perfect timing for us, we arrived right during Ayla’s dinner. While we waited for Amy to finish feeding her, we went and waited in a nice waiting room outside of the birthing room suites. We sat there, looking around at the kid toys, posters about breast feeding and pregnant woman fliers and became overwhelmed with the thought that we could soon be in a waiting room just like this one … except instead of waiting to see our friends’ kid – we could be waiting to see our kid.
A Little Background on the Adoption Journey
Leading up to Jan. 9, we had kicked off the adoption process earlier in Fall 2010. We knew we had both heard from the Lord that it was time to begin the process, and so away our application papers went in September 2010. Through the months of Oct-Dec., we worked on our home study. We announced to the world we were adopting through our blog. We had baby room furniture. I’d been shopping for gender-neutral fabrics and the nursery bedding was underway. (All while we tried to wrap our minds around the fact that we’d begun our path to parenthood.) With a completed home study, we planned to go “active” with our adoption agency in a few weeks – which meant that soon pregnant moms could begin “shopping” for us. So sitting in that waiting room was a stark reality of what was to come… and suddenly we realized how awkward it was going to be.
Visiting New Baby, Ignoring the Phone
Once the awkwardness hit us, the room got silent. We were the only ones in there, just staring at the flier about car seat safety. Something about it felt so weird and unnatural. I’d been having feelings creep up that I wasn’t really up for a brand new baby. Brushing it off as fear, I figured this was all part of the adoption process. Parts of it just felt so unnatural. Fear was a natural response.
Luckily, Scott came to get us and led us back to the room in just a few seconds. We were soon caught up with the excitement of a new baby, so small and tiny, so beautiful. We were excited for our friends and took in their beaming faces. It was a great moment. In the midst of meeting Ayla, holding her and getting the “we stopped by the hospital to see the new baby” photo, I began hearing my phone alerts. It was the text message alert so I figured it wasn’t urgent and I’d check my messages once we left the hospital.
New Message: You Want a Kid?
Okay, so the message wasn’t exactly that blunt. However, once we returned to the car, I realized I had a text from our friend Scott. He was asking if he and his wife Patti could talk to Mike and I the next morning before church. I quickly fired back, “Not if you’re leaving the church.” I wasn’t sure what else could be so serious that they’d need to make sure we’d be available to chat the next morning.
A few follow-up texts began to give some context to why Scott & Patti wanted to meet. I knew about Scott’s friend Nick and had just learned days before that he was taking care of his baby niece while also juggling being a single dad. The possibility of adoption for the little girl had come up. She was 3 months old, biracial and in Lee’s Summit. Not knowing if that’s what we were up for, they decided to go for it and text to see if we wanted to even talk about it.
When we realized why Scott & Patti wanted to get together with us, we shrugged it off and thought, “Why not, it won’t hurt anything.” We’d been the “go-to” couple over the past few years for situations that had risen up where a child needed an adoptive family. And after two or three of those situations had fallen through, we’d learned not to get our hopes up. We figured the pregnant-birth-mom-finding-us-through-our-adoption-agency was the right path for us. But, we were always open to what God had in store. Plus, there were some things about this that strangely matched our desires, even if she was already three months old.
After briefly discussing it in the car on the way to get dinner, we decided to respond back, “Sure, we can talk tomorrow…”
And that was that. Never did we expect for it to really go anywhere. But entertaining one last random opportunity like this wouldn’t hurt anything, right?
Devotion
So that’s my word for this year.
In the past I’ve come up with a “word” for the upcoming year. It’s not just me drawing out of a hat though, it’s often times a word that’s put on my heart many weeks before the new year rings in. I’ve done this for the past several years now, and it continues to amaze me how true these words have come to signify the year. What’s really funny is the word I wrote just one year ago that I felt would be the resolution for 2011: fulfill.
Little did I know that in just three weeks into 2011, God would fulfill a longtime prayer on my heart to be a mama, as well as many other pleas like job changes, provisions and support throughout this entire year.
Making Resolutions and Breaking Fingernails
In addition to that very Wheel of Fortune – Before and After subtitle, I’ve realized that in my world, making resolutions are indeed like growing out my nails. My nails can grow, and I hardly ever notice them. But the day I realize, “Hey, my nails have grown out!” – I break them the next day. Seems to be the same with me and goals. If I realize I’ve stuck to a plan, I jinx myself and find that I undo it all the next day or so.
Goals Goals Goals
Part of my hesitation to resolutions has been the “goals” element. I hate goals. I hate thinking about them, setting them and especially voicing them. And why? Because I hate failing, and so I would rather not put them out there in the event that I don’t meet my goals and then it’s public knowledge that I fell short. How’s that for honesty and a dose of pride I’m working on? Plus, ask an almost 11-year cancer survivor what their five-year plan is – and I bet you hear some similar things. I’m going to tell you that it will be by the grace of God that I’m alive in five years, so my goal is to survive. Not to pull the cancer card, but that’s the reality.
So while I’ve gotten my hatred for goals out-of-the-way now, I will say that the word “devotion” being on my heart and a good look at life now, I’m coming around to the idea of setting some sort of goal and making a resolution to stick to a few things this year. I suck at routines, but that’s on the list of what I need to get in order this year. Not just for me but our kiddo, who I hear thrives on that kind of stuff. I’d like to get my book proposal done and take the step in trying to get published. I’d like to blog more. I’d like to keep cutting out sugar. Thanks to my cholesterol test, I need to exercise more. And most importantly, I want to become a gal who prays more this year – like the real, honest prayers.
So, with that being said, I kick off this year and pray for a heart of devotion. And I secretly wonder if a year from now I’ll be shaking my head at what came my way three weeks into the year again. Dear Lord, take it easy on me. Is it a weird goal to stop hating goals? Nonetheless, that is what I strive for. To be devoted to my calling, to actually stick with my goals and to stick to something longer than a few weeks. Here goes…
Semicolon Thankfulness Post
If you ever invite Mike and me somewhere, you can plan on the “Burgess 15.” Sometimes we’ll surprise you and arrive closer to the start time, but typically (at least if we need to arrive together, and especially with Mae), we run a little tardy.
So in true fashion, I thought I’d do a thankfulness post. My friend Luckie Leah was a rock star and posted one reason she was thankful each day of November. Many other buds posted on Facebook throughout the month. And while I’m way to all-over-the-place to actually stick with something like that, I thought I’d do it in our traditional Burgess fashion, just a little late.
As a cancer survivor, when Thanksgiving rolls around I don’t have enough hands to count my blessings. And that was especially true this year as I sat with a busy 14-month-old and watched her annihilate my mom’s famous corn casserole recipe. She’s a perfect fit – as we all love it, too. I indeed am blessed.
While this in no way will be all-encompassing, here are several things that top my list of gratitude in 2011:
I’m thankful for God’s love.
I’ve still not totally grasped this, and I don’t think I ever will. But this year probably more than ever I’ve seen God work, watched His plans become WAY better than mine, discerned His clarity, and heard his calling.
First Mavs game!
I’m thankful for Mike and Mae.
This fall Mike & I have been together for 11 years – married almost 7 in May. Holy cow. That’s a long time. And the great thing is I still love it. He’s my best friend. We’re a good pair. Even when put to the test by becoming parents in the same amount of time it takes to microwave a TV dinner. Well, not really that fast, but it felt like it at times. But through this whole thing, we’ve been blessed with a beautiful daughter, Mae, who’s the happiest kid I’ve ever met. She loves to read. She’s on the go. Yet she still makes time to cuddle. She’s the best.
I’m thankful for our Families.
I think we seriously have the most supportive families in the universe. I know we felt it before this past year, but we feel it even more now that we have a family of our own. Our families have supported us in every way possible as we’ve transitioned into parenthood. From all of the grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles (and even great-aunts and uncles) that Mae has, we’re abundantly blessed.
I’m thankful for our open adoption.
Never thought I’d ever type that one. But indeed, it tops the list this year as something I am very thankful for. Not only has knowing Mae’s birth family been helpful in having some of her background; but it’s also brought many surprises to us – in good ways. These guys are our biggest cheerleaders. It’s like another extended family for us. They’ve taught me so much about love. And I wouldn’t have this any other way.
I’m thankful for Friends.
I know – aren’t we all, right? But seriously, I’ve got some amazing friends. This year the meaning of true friendship has been so evident to me through some buds who are technically my friends but feel more like family. They rake our leaves. They stay at our house. They’ve babysat. They pray for us. The list goes on and on. And it’s not really about what they do for us at all – it’s who they are. And we’re truly grateful.
I’m thankful for The Avenue.
The Avenue is our church home, which is really like an extension of our family. Serving with the leadership team over the past few years as been a rich experience. This year I especially felt a re-confirmation that we are in the right spot, and this church is exactly where we are to be. It allows us to serve with our gifts (Mike rocks it out on the worship team, I still keep all of the communications going), it gets us involved in serving others, and I couldn’t imagine life without such a great community.
I’m Thankful for Semicolon Communications.
Who starts a business in a down economy? This gal. But really, I felt like God was growing my business and leading me to dive in full-time this summer. And I am so grateful for this. It’s allowed me the flexibility to hang at home with Mae a few days each week. And to volunteer for the Colon Club. Through this business, I have the opportunity to be a marketing consultant for a few companies, and then be a copywriter for another. All while getting to keep first things first. Thank you Lord.
I am thankful for my health.
I’ve had a cancer-free year. All scans and tests have been clear. I’ve never been so thankful to be healthy.
Meet Beckett! He's handsome!
I’m thankful for a lot of other things, too.
I have a new nephew! We’ve got two running cars. I made some writer contacts. We vacationed to the beach. We went to a family reunion. My brother and sis-in-law came home several times from Louisiana. Oh so many things that I’m so thankful for.
So here are some list toppers for my year. I have to say, one of the best yet.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4
Absolutely Honored – Phoenix Undy Run
There have been a few bumps along this cancer journey that have made some of the hard days “worth it.” Hot air balloon ride? Worth it. Colondar shoot? Double worth it. And yesterday, I felt absolutely honored by my mom’s best friend, Terri, and her hubby, Bruce, who drove hours just to run in the Phoenix Undy Run in my honor (and left at 5am by the way…). Triple worth it.
To have people go out of their way to run on my behalf still has me speechless even now. I’m honored in a way that I can’t describe, except that it feels really good and really humbling. I don’t only feel so loved, but I feel like some of the hard days that I went through might be able to help someone else. Whether it’s giving them stamina to run or raising awareness that colon cancer can happen in young people, too – it’s awesome to see the message getting out there. I’m absolutely honored and humbled.
I’m thankful for the Colondar that opened the door for me to start talking about my experience, and that it got my story “out there.” (Terri met someone at the race who said she often tells my story to people she talks to in Arizona.. crazy!) And I’m so thankful for great friends who help carry on the message of colon cancer awareness … and hope for survival … from city to city, and in this case, state to state.
Thanks again Ahlfs, you absolutely made my day! (enjoy a few pics I stole from Terri’s Facebook!)
Bruce at Phoenix Undy
Terri at Phoenix Undy
Their sign for me... this rocks.
Bruce holding a copy of the 09 Colondar they got at the race!
Miracle of Adoption | National Adoption Day
Last year on National Adoption Day I carefully crafted an announcement that our process had begun, and adoption plans were in our near future. I had no clue that a short two-and-a-half months later, we would be leaving a courtroom with precious Baby Mae in our arms. The Lord is good.
As I reflect back on our past 10 months as parents, on National Adoption Day, I am thankful for the miracle that’s termed “adoption.” And while I’ve heard that term a lot, not until I experienced it did I understand how adoption was a miracle.
Any baby is a miracle – the process of creating life is not chump change. And while I understood how giving birth and making life was a miracle, I searched to understand how adoption fell under that same category. In a world that functions heavily on bloodlines, keeping things “in the family” and passing on family names – adoption can be counter-cultural and unnatural. Especially when there’s multiple races involved. However, over the past many months, I’ve experienced the miracle of loving a child as if she were my own blood. I have the opportunity to be a parent; an opportunity that I would not have gotten otherwise. And maybe more than anything, I’ve received a spirit of adoption that comes only from the Lord. I love her with a supernatural love that’s been gifted to me; the same love God has for each of us. And that, I feel, is the absolute miracle and blessing of adoption.
In a season full of thankfulness, I am so thankful that God’s plans are not my plans, and His ways look radically different from mine. Last year at this time I thought we might have a baby in our house right now, but one that was itty bitty and from a different state. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d have a 14-month old daughter who was born in our zip code, and a very blessed open adoption situation. We are indeed blessed, and so grateful for the Miracle of Adoption. Oh the Lord is good to me…. I mean our party of three.
Five Takeaways from a Writer’s Conference
Over the weekend, I attended a writer’s conference. And then I got in a fight.
No, not with a writer. Not with an editor. It was one of those spiritual battles none of us like to talk about.
You see, there’s something about having the call to write, and then actually signing up for one of these conferences that is terrifying. Those of us who write – we have ideas. We have passion. And then to talk about them and anxiously hear how our most genius brainchild of an idea sounds to someone with the credentials to give feedback – it’s nerve-wracking. Even when it’s Christian.
So, after another up-and-down weekend (my first writer’s conference felt just like this), I made it through the conference. I am so grateful for the Heart of America Christian Writer’s Network for putting this event into play. They brought in all-star professionals to give real critiques – and real opportunities – to those of us “starving artists.” And after a long weekend, I made it through.
What did I learn? Here are my 5 biggest takeaways from the Writer’s Conference:
1. I’m called to Write.
Thanks to a great session from Sue Brage – Group Publishing on “Five Questions to Move You Forward in your Calling,” I left the conference with peace. She challenged us with questions like “Are you willing to persevere in the face of opposition?” “Are you willing to change, be stretched?” Ooh good stuff. This clued me into the idea that my anxiety about the weekend was actually a plan to derail me from what I’m called to do.
2. I need to write on this cancer stuff.
I think I realized this weekend after sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with other writers that I have a unique, God-given niche. Nobody else in that room had been diagnosed with colon cancer at age 17. Shocking, right? But while this should be obvious to me, I guess I needed this conference to realize it even more. It’s OK for me to embrace my cancer and write about it. And I’ve actually got a hunch that people want to know what I have to say.
3. Linking Verbs are for Wimps.
Writer’s conferences are actually fun for me – as someone who’s been out of school for a while, yet no desire to return. These conferences are a way to brush up on my writing skills without having to go to class. So the session about writing your story and avoiding linking verbs turned out to be a great lesson for me. I felt excited. No wait – I clung to the edge of my seat as I waited for the speaker to deliver each point. (See, I learned well.) Using verbs like felt/was/had/seem/looked – out the door. Tell vs. Show. I’m learning.
4. Query Letter and Book Proposal – Can Be Done!
I’m a newbie into this whole world, and really have no idea what I’m talking about. But thanks to a couple of classes, I feel like this is actually do-able for me. Especially Deborah Herman’s class. I now understand how to write these pieces that are so critical to editors and publishers. And I feel like when I set out to write a book proposal, I know what to do (and what not to do.)
5. God attends these conferences, too.
One great feature of the HACWN conference is the opportunity to have a professional critique your work for a small fee. I reviewed the guests for the conference for about a week, and prayed about who to send my book proposal to review. Pamela Sonnenmoser stood out. She was with a publisher looking for new authors and something unique and edgy. So, I chose her. And the realized over the weekend she too has faced infertility and cancer. We speak the same language. We’ve faced some of the same things. Now that is God.
Good things are ahead for this gal who writes a blog about poop. I have a feeling God wants to use all of this. I’m excited to follow the Lord’s promptings and use the lessons He’s taught me to save lives – both for here and eternity.
Life Updates
Wow, sorry long time no post. Life gets busy and … yeah done with excuses.
Since its been so long and my fingers are tired – here are a few pics for a photo update on life lately.
Baby Girl Turned 1!
Family pic!
Small shower for my sis-in-law because I've got a nephew on the way!!!
Shiloh & Mae - they're getting so big!!
We got a 3rd dog! (Just for Halloween)
Certitude, Mystery & Cancer Stuff
A study that I am in covered this last week:
“Certitude – a certainty greater than circumstances warrant – and absolutism are an anxious response to the reality of pain. A voice of certitude is one that claims to control the means by which we might be safe and happy. In order to deliver safety and happiness, the voice of certitude must be in control of – or appear to be in control of – any situation that potentially impinges upon safety and happiness.
This language of control is one of categorizing, measuring, and analyzing. Mystery, precisely because it can’t be categorized, measured, or analyzed, cannot be controlled. Thus, mystery is a perceived threat to the voice of certitude’s pretense of delivering safefy and happiness.
In a world dominated by the voice of certitude there is no room for mystery, and therefore no room for the God of the Bible who remains, above all, a vibrant dynamic mystery.”
– Walter Brueggemann & Steve Frost, Psalmist’s Cry by House Studio
Hmmm….
My first thought – I’m not sure this dude Walter ever had cancer. But, he’s got some good nuggets in here that have really challenged me.
I’m a gal of faith. I became “all about it” in Junior High, and it’s just been a big part of me ever since. But even with my strong faith, this kind of stuff challenges me. Do I want certitude – a mindset that I try to create that gives me peace that the future is pain (and disease)- free? Absolutely. But is that masking the pain and fear that I really feel about it all? Probably.
Walter here argues that certainty butts out God, who is all about mystery. So he’s saying embrace mystery and drop the desire to control and convince yourself of the whole “grass is greener” stuff… because following a God of mystery is vibrant and dynamic. (Regardless of what happens.) Again – good points. And I’m not sure he’s had cancer.
But – ultimately, even if my friend Walter has had cancer, his points are true. Just hard to swallow sometimes. Honesly, sometimes I DON’T want my life to be vibrant and dynamic – I’m cool with the whole boring, stale (nothing bad’s happening) days. But I do realize that’s not what we’re made for, and that God offers us more. The key is trusting in that – and not trusting in whatever circumstance we think will or won’t be happening. Because having a God of mystery directing my days and my path will lead to the life that I know I was made for.
So Okay, Walter, I’ll hear you out. But I’m not going to say it’s easy.
And aren’t you proud of me? That might just be my most intelligent post yet…
Des Moines Get Your Rear In Gear
There’s something powerful about getting to meet people “like you.” Once again, I had the chance to meet fellow young colon cancer survivors at the Des Moines Get Your Rear In Gear event this weekend.
Colondar Models from '09, '10 & '12
I had a great time. Five past & present Colondar models met up to support this great event. I met new people. I slept in an amazing hotel suite. And my daughter walked through an nflatable colon.
On the way home, Mike asked me what stuck out the most about the weekend. And when I thought about it, my answer surprised me. I met another young survivor, age 26, at the race. She was diagnosed 2 years ago. Ironically, her name was also Danielle. And she explained she was Stage IV. She was wearing a continuous pump to help with stomach cramps. And yet she told her story with such courage, and a near flippancy – yet a good flippancy. She was upbeat and positive. And when her young, blond son ran up to her and hugged her leg, I saw why. Her journey and the courage she portrayed to me. Sure, I bet she has rough days and nights at home. But meeting her gave me such inspiration. I met one of the truest definitions of “hope” this weekend.
So… there you have it. Short synopsis of our short road trip to Des Moines. Can’t wait for next year!
Props to Mikey for running the 5K!
Mae walking through a giant inflatable colon
Our family in a colon
Semicolon Stories 