Posts filed under ‘Everything Colon’
My Yearly Pink Soapbox – Reposted
Blue is the next pink! Check out this graphic 2013 Colondar model Dawn and The Colon Club’s designer Troy Burns came up with!
Each October, I still have one or two Facebook friends post “pink parade” things on my wall. It’s not because I am a breast cancer survivor. It’s because of the post below.
In 2009, I had just re-entered the colon cancer game after 8 years in remission. At age 25, I was facing cancer yet again. Thankfully, only surgery was needed. But the emotions that came with it hit me harder than ever before. So when October rolled around that year and everything came out pink, I tried to funnel my opinion into the nicest way I could put it. And below is what came out (on my old blog.)
I wanted to make sure this post made its way to the Semicolon blog, so here it is re-posted. Also, it gives me goosebumps to see that at the bottom of the post, I had linked to a fellow Colondar model’s blog – Becca’s blog – where she wrote about the same topic. I had forgotten this until tonight. She passed away 6 months ago; I hung out with her mom this weekend. I re-post tonight in her honor. I met her only once, but her legacy ripples throughout our community.
I will say it again – I fully support breast cancer awareness. But I also support the other cancers. And hopefully one day, other organizations, sports teams, manufacturers and marketers will catch on too. Hopefully.
So with that – here it is. My yearly pink soapbox.
My Yearly Pink Soapbox
(originally posted Sunday, October 4, 2009)
Most of you’ve heard this rant before. But this year’s outrageous display of pink EVERYTHING has fueled the fire. It seems even more hyped this year. And it’s just Oct. 4th.
I’m not a cancer hater. Obviously, one is closer to my heart than the others. But I genuinely want the world to be rid of them all. I will state for the record, I support breast cancer awareness. I’ve got family and now two fellow ’09 Colondar gals who’ve fought it. But I support it just as much as I support lung cancer, skin cancer, colon cancer, etc. Anyone have an idea what month brain cancer awareness is? Know what color represents lung? Understand the severity of pancreatic? Realize it’s just as important for MEN AND WOMEN to get frequent colonoscopies, especially after age 50, as it is for women to get mammograms? Shocker!
Maybe I wouldn’t be so turned off by the ridiculous pink ribbons on every product lining super market stores if I didn’t have a marketing communication background. I hardly believe it’s a coincidence that the target audience of most of those well-loved store brands are moms who manage the household and do the grocery shopping. How convenient, slap a pink ribbon on your product and give a few pennies to breast cancer research and you’ve got a loyal customer to your brand and more money in your pocket. As much as I’d love to believe it – I don’t think the pink’s there for the cancer stuff as much as it is the brand loyalty of the female customers. If that was the case, there would be blue stars all down the toilet paper aisle come March. But butts aren’t as fun nor pleasant to hype up than boobs, let’s face it.
My point is this: if you’re going to support a cause, support it through genuineness. Don’t have strings attached. Don’t stand behind the cancer cause to really make money or fluff up your brand. Don’t go get drunk with a team of people at a cancer crawl and feel better about it because you did it for “a great cause.” People are dying from this disease, it’s pretty serious. I urge companies and individuals to remember this as we use the “cause” to further our own agendas or pleasures. It can be seen as a slap in the face to many of the 10 million diagnosed each year.
You want to help promote cancer awareness? Get screened and tell somebody. Figure out your family history. Meet people who have been through it, and help them find ways to tell their story. Raise money for cancer societies. Wear the t-shirts, the bands, etc. But don’t think slapping a ribbon on something you’re trying to sell is going to cut it. Us survivors see right through it. And we’re not BUYING it.
Want more insight from another cancer survivor? Read fellow ’08 Colondar model Becca’s blog.
I want affordable health care. And a chicken sandwich.
Over the past several years, I’ve kept the Semicolon blog focused on one thing: life after colon cancer. I’ve covered various topics like eating organic and adopting a baby; however, I’ve steered clear of discussing one topic. Politics. My views are across the board, and even that stance is unpopular. However as a twenty-something, cancer surviving, Jesus-loving, mom of a biracial little girl – I’m still sorting out where I stand on many political issues. So you can imagine the dilemma I’m currently facing:
On August 1, I might just want a chicken sandwich.
I hope that means I’m not denied health care.
Suddenly my #1 with lemonade has become a political stance…
Torn between two groups
I have so many friends discussing Chick-fil-A, Facebook is now grouping all of their status updates together just like they do on Halloween when people post about their costumes. I come from a very conservative background and have many relationships with people supporting Chick-fil-A (Group A). On the other hand, I’ve also got several relationships with people who’ve been outspoken health care advocates, yet are unhappy about this restaurant chain’s recent comments and planning to boycott (Group B). I find myself in the middle of these two groups, wondering what it will take for all of us to get along.
In defense of the chicken sandwich…
If this restaurant chain was denying service to certain groups or making people sit in designated areas of the restaurants based on race, lifestyle or any other identifier, I’d certainly not patronize them. I’d probably be with my buddies from Group B. I’ve got a biracial kid so I get the anti-discrimination thing. However this restaurant, I feel, is not acting discriminatory. Sure, they have unpopular viewpoints and their leaders have offended some with their comments – however every group out there who’s passionate about something is likely to offend. Christian principles and Biblical truths are not always very popular; however, I feel like this restaurant delivers a good product, great service and stands by its values. So that’s why I will continue to go, and will most likely be eating a chicken sandwich next week.
However, can I still get health care?
So okay – I support Chick-fil-A. And while this might seem like a win for Group A – I’ve got a dilemma. In the event I buy a chicken sandwich next week – can I still support changes to health care? Many of my buddies in Group B are the ones who seem to understand why I got so excited that the laws are changing. I’m a walking pre-existing condition. I’m denied health care because of choices I did not make, nor have any control over. And the only reason I have health coverage now is because my husband works for a company who, thankfully, can afford a group plan. If that were not the case, we’d be scrambling. And I’d be denied. And I’m not sure what we’d do for health insurance. Owning my own business would probably be out of the picture. We’d have to look at changing jobs to get health insurance. And something about that just doesn’t feel right. Many of the people in Group B have been outspoken advocates for this. Yet if we agree on this issue, is it OK to disagree about Chick-fil-A?
Love covers all
I don’t hate politics, but I very much dislike the type of people we can become when “hot button issues” get involved. It’s not that I feel dialogue is unneeded and that our country doesn’t need run well – it’s that we can’t seem to respectfully disagree with one another.
I think it’s awesome when someone stands up for what they believe in – from both sides of the platforms. However I’d like to think that we can create a culture where people who are standing up will be respected, regardless of the issue. When someone stands up for something we disagree with, we need to respectfully disagree and not sling mud or slander. We’ve become a generation that “takes our ball and goes home” because we’re offended. What we need to do is link arms and sort it out. We might still disagree, however, isn’t there a way to live peacefully with one another?
As the Big Guy put it, “treat others the way you want to be treated” or “love one another; for love covers a multitude of sins.” While it might seem like the easy answer, or that I’m playing Switzerland, I really do feel like focusing on love is what we need to get us through these hard issues, and the upcoming months leading to November. We need to realize that as people from different backgrounds and cultures, we’re going to disagree. On the surface, the debates are about health care plans and a fried chicken combo meal. However what’s under this is much bigger, and I feel like a commitment to loving others first and foremost is the only way to get through. It’s what will make life worth living… and ordering waffle fries a non-political decision.
But I’m not an athlete
“Twinsies” isn’t something I’ve ever really been “all about.” Just ask my husband. Days when we both choose to wear the same t-shirt, I insist that he goes upstairs to change before we leave the house… that is if I got dressed first. If he beats me to it, I quickly change my shirt. What can I say, I’m pretty independent.
So when my friend Amy insisted that we wear the same t-shirt for our first 5K together, I instantly replied with a loud “no way.” It wasn’t enough that she was planning to run with me at my pace (albeit my post-hysterectomy/I’m just now running again pace) – but she wanted to wear the same shirt…. a bright yellow Fellowship of Christian Athletes shirt. I had no issue with representing FCA from a beliefs standpoint, however there was one small problem… I’m not an athlete.
But really … I’m not an athlete
Amy & Me at the Glow Run 5K in Kansas City
For weeks, Amy insisted that I wear the shirt and match her. And while I kept throwing out excuses like I hate dressing as twins (which is true), I continued to hesitate because of my fears of failure and judgement. I’m a slow runner, a 10-minute mile is a victory for me. So the fears of people laughing at a girl who’s “obviously not a runner” dressed in an FCA shirt flooded my mind. Despite my involvement in youth sports and freshman volleyball, I would never classify myself as someone who could properly represent the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Plus, I wanted the “I’ve had cancer/I’m slow/It’s good enough that I’m here” pass. I didn’t feel like wearing the shirt would let me off that easy.
Taking one for the team
Long story short, I finally caved. And I wore the shirt. And since that first race, I’ve worn it again. And I probably will wear it in the future. Because Amy’s persistent and gentle encouragement finally sunk in this past weekend. It’s not about being an athlete and wearing an FCA shirt. It’s about representing Christ while we run.
Why I run…
Friends from our church, The Avenue, running together!
Some of my favorite parts of the FCA Creed state:
We race to represent Christ, we’re not out there on our own strength, and that we compete for the pleasure of our Heavenly Father … for the reputation of the Holy Spirit.
I came to realize this past weekend that even running a 5K can be a testament of God in my life. Especially since I’m living proof that God is a healer… it’s because of Him that I’m physically able to run and have such a great Gospel community to run with. And while I can’t share my story or evangelize during the 3.1 miles (nor do I care to…), I’ve realized that I can represent Christ along the way. I can pray for my city as I run its streets. I can be kind and friendly to the other racers. And I can represent Christ in the sea of darkness … even if that means becoming a “twinsie” and sporting the FCA shirt.
-db
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More about FCA Endurance team (yes, you can sign up … even if you’re not a runner.)
“No” is not the issue
I tend to stay pretty busy. Well, that may be an understatement. Really busy. And even after typing that, I feel the guilt coming on. Those email forwards about BUSY = “Being Under Satan’s Yolk” did have an impact on me although I didn’t think I gave them much weight. Grrr. And just admitting that we stay really active already has me feeling bad.
This week I had a conversation that got me thinking about my schedule and my life pace in general. I think looking from the outside in, it might seem that we … or at least I … have an issue with saying “no.” And while at times that’s certainly at play, this week I realized there’s more to it than that. I don’t say “no” so much because I want to say “yes” so much. And fortunately … or unfortunately … I live with the reality that if I don’t say “yes” today … there might not be another shot tomorrow.
Live Like You were Dyin’
Talk about live as we were dying – I went up in the St. Louis Arch again.
As a writer, I’m not a big fan of clichés. But I don’t know any other way to put it – my cancer survivorship really does make me appreciate and live for today. As I’ve reflected on my conversation this week, I’ve realized all the different ways this plays out in my life … even down to my schedule. I do stay really busy. But I’ve also had some awesome life experiences thus far because I said “yes” to an opportunity, or sought out the opportunity because of a passion or curiosity.
Sure, sometimes it is time to say “no.” The reality of timing, finances, responsibilities and overall health (physical, mental and emotional) does not make me exempt from needing to learn that little word and practice it more. And I do use it often when we need a break or extra rest. But I guess as I continue to work out my survivorship and understand all of its implications, this is just part of it. “Live like you were dying” as the country singer says, is definitely part of my life.
More Birthdays?
I don’t make plans for my 50th birthday party. Or honestly, even my 40th. And it’s not because I don’t hope to have one, or even plan to have one. It’s because I don’t count on it. Regardless of if I see age 30, 40 or God-willing… even age 50 … I want to be glad I took the chances, experienced the opportunities and invested in the people along the way. If I do make it to 50 – that will be great. A big party will ensue. However, in the event I don’t make it to 50 – I want to embrace it the best that I can. If there’s ever a “no tomorrow” may I still be counting my blessings because today in itself was pretty great.
A Third-World View of Survivorship
Over the past several days, I’ve had the opportunity to get together with Taylor. While unknown to most of the world, those who’ve seen the documentary Rainbow Town know who I’m talking about. Taylor is one of the children featured in a film about a Liberian orphanage and is currently traveling around the United States. My friend Amy hosted him over the weekend and today he spoke at our church. As I’ve gotten involved with Rainbow Town, my heart’s grown for this amazing group of people in West Africa. Not only are they beautiful, courageous and strong. I’m convinced they’re some of the most faithful individuals on the planet.
Taylor hanging out with our life group from The Avenue Church!
Emotional roller coaster
I’ve experienced many emotions during the few interactions I’ve had with Taylor. I imagine this is common when you either travel to third-world countries or meet people from them. Guilt – I was born a “Westerner” and have “simple” privileges like cars and credit cards. Sadness – no child should have to live through war. Embarrassment – he must think we’re so lazy. (He walks 1 hr 45 min to school ONE WAY!) Excitement – his passion to be a pastor is contagious. Joy – God SAVED him! And most of all – humbled. Now that’s a survivor.
Defining Survivor
I am a survivor of cancer. And Taylor, he is a survivor of war. And while I certainly am not trying to liken our experiences – I do understand life-threatening situations that leave physical wounds, emotional scars and life-changing consequences. We both identify with the word “survive.”
What an honor to meet this guy!
The thing about Taylor though is that he doesn’t find his identity in survivorship. He’ll openly talk about being orphaned at birth and tied naked to a tree as a 4-year-old when rebels overtook his country; however, Taylor always ends with the point that God saved him. God had mercy on him and rescued him. No calls for pity. No room for tears. He shares his story to share about Jesus.
Finding Purpose in our Pain
Taylor’s story isn’t about Taylor – it’s about Christ. And that’s the way it should be. This teen has already found the purpose for his difficult life circumstances. He has no question about why he survived war, and what he’s to do now. And I’m rapidly taking notes.
I live in America where we process our feelings and talk about what happened. In the midst of it, we also get a “free pass” when it comes to our faith. We often aren’t pushed to lay down the pride and selfishness that can come with surviving something so awful. (After all – we do get a lot of attention and free t-shirts.) Instead, we can fall into the trap of self-pity and let ourselves off the hook. We think we’re acting like the Psalmist when we question God and blame him. However, for many of us – we can stay camped out at that place way too long, or never fully let God back into our hearts to do His work.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to have met Taylor. He’s showed me once again that there is purpose in survival that is far beyond ourselves. God works for our good and He loves us. No, life’s not always easy. And things aren’t going to be fair. But that doesn’t take away the fact that we are to fear Him and that He wants to use us. If we will just open up our hearts to Him, the journey through survival will make so much more sense… from any part of the world.
Throwing Up in Mesh Trashcans
…doesn’t really work all that well.
Thought I’d give the blog a quick update on my progress. Or should I say our roller coaster ride.
It’s pretty much the same story with each surgery I’ve had over the years – at least anytime my abdomen is opened up and then put back together again.
On Friday…
I came home! I felt pretty good, considering the whole surgery-a-few-days-ago thing.
Over the weekend…
I was off and on. Saturday I battled nausea and the “blahs,” Sunday I was feeling better again. Monday was good too, that is until last night.
Last night….
Ugh, roadblock again. As a semicolon, constipation isn’t something I’ve ever dealt with. I often have the complete opposite problem. So when the docs prescribed Vicodin for me, and I knew about its constipating effects, I still wasn’t concerned. After all, I usually can’t stop going. I welcomed the “break.”
That was until I began to notice nausea off and on all weekend, which I soon attributed to the fact I “couldn’t go.” So yesterday morning I took myself off the Vicodin and started up with the laxatives to try to get myself all flushed out. You know, since I know more than the docs and all. (and was humbled today when I saw how very wrong I was.)
Well, it didn’t go so well. I assumed the plumbing would just automatically start working once I opted-out of the pill. Wrong there. Then I thought taking several laxatives and stool softeners would immediately get it going. Wrong again – it actually created so much gas and pain that at one point I seriously thought I was going to explode. Actually I welcomed that thought. But, nonetheless that didn’t work. So I opted to chug some apple and prune juice last night.
And then threw it all up in a mesh trashcan around 1:30am this morning.
Note – will never do that again.
So, after a long night and trip to the doctor today, hopefully we’ve got a plan going again to try to get me on a better path. Because of the pain and puking from last night, I was pretty weak this morning – like can’t keep my eyes open weak. I’ve slept most of today and managed to keep down Gatorade and crackers today, so things are looking up. I’ve finally decided to follow doctors’ advice when it comes to medications and try to trust them – and do what they say. It’s hard when I feel like a “veteran” patient – I know what’s worked and not worked in the past, yet then again I’ve never had all my girlie parts out before, so I guess I better trust them on this one.
And I think I’ve managed to skip the “round two” hospital trip that I was guaranteed tomorrow if I threw up again today.
Praying tonight goes well.
There’s a quick update on the surgery recovery. Please keep praying that I get back up to speed in no time. I keep thinking that I’ll turn the corner any day now.
Hi Ho Hi Ho, Off to Surgery I Go
Well, the big day is almost here once again.
Nope, not getting married. Nope, not expecting another kiddo to arrive.
I’m headed to surgery once again.
Why This Surgery?
Last October when I met with my OBGYN/oncologist, we reviewed my charts and updates over the past several years. As we talked, I explained to her that genetic testing has shown that I more than likely have a variant of Lynch Syndrome. After my second diagnosis with colon cancer at 25, we requested gene testing once again only to realize that many of my genes behave in a way that’s very similar to others with the disease. I don’t have the “traditional form” of Lynch according to tests and my family history (I’m still the only one with young colon cancer diagnosis.) But, between complicated stuff about MLH1 and PMS2 genes – it’s likely that I have some form of Lynch. Thus, the young cases of colon cancer.
Thanks to the testing I know that in the future, my risk for other cancers, namely ovarian and uterine, are also very high… almost likely. So, my doctor didn’t mess around when she realized I had Lynch Syndrome. She knew we’d chosen adoption as our path to kids. So with that, she gave the hard recommendation that I go ahead and have a total hysterectomy. Even though I’m not even 30 yet. She didn’t push it on me right away, but said to look at my calendar and see if there was a “good” time to have this surgery done. And after several months of thinking about it and weighing the options, I decided to go ahead and do it.
Under The Knife Once Again
So, on this coming Tuesday I head under once again. I’m dragging my feet into this, but I know it’s something I need to do. The opportunity to stop cancer in its tracks and before it starts is why I’m doing this. Even if it does mean opening up my infamous long abdominal scar once again and putting me on a 6-8 week recovery plan. But, when I look at Mae, I know there’s really no other choice. I want to do all I can to stay around as long as I possibly can. So, off to surgery I go.
Unexpected Emotions
This has thrown quite a curve ball for me, since many unexpected (and honestly, many unwelcome) emotions have risen up. Maybe it’s because of counseling a few years ago, but suddenly I’m feeling the emotions that come with surgery and cancer threats. Or then again, this is the first time I’ve gone through anything like this as a mom – so that’s probably playing a part too.
Many thoughts, fears, realities, plans and “what ifs” have run through my mind this time…..
How do I line up childcare for Mae and arrangements for my small business?
Other surgeries haven’t been “easy” in the past – how long will I be out with this one?
How much extra can I work so that we can easily get that high deductible paid off?
How long will I really be recovering in the hospital?
By them “opening me up again,” will she find anything unexpected … like last time?
Will I have blood clots or problems with anesthesia this time?
How long will it take for my stomach to heal once again?
Will my past surgeries cause complications?
After surgery, what does menopause look like for me?
Will I be a sweat ball or hormonal wreck?
What are my risks of taking or not taking hormones?
And then again I too often camp on, “Why do I have to go through this in the first place?!?”
Coming to Terms
Typically, I’d tie up this post and show that there’s some peace and resolve that’s been found amidst life’s challenges. But today, I leave it at … I’m working on it. However, I knew a post was needed to get this off my chest. And, after looking through applications for other young colon cancer survivors for the 2013 Colondar this year – I know I’m not alone. Many others are being told they too have Lynch Syndrome. Many others will also face these hard decisions sooner than later.
Just pray for me Tuesday as surgery comes. Pray for a fast recovery. Pray this surgery STAYS preventative, and nothing else is found. And pray I’ll be back on my feet … and picking up my kid … in no time.
I’ll post when I’m back!
5 Random Things for Tonight
Wow, I blog nearly every day for a month and then nothing for two weeks. Sorry gang. And because it’s late and I’ve been at war with my intestines all night (I think they almost won… almost) – this is short and sweet. But for those who crave some Semicolon updates – here you go:
1. I did a Jillian Michaels workout DVD last week and couldn’t walk for about 2 days. So, I’ve not yet tried again. But I really need to get in shape again. Maybe I will in May.
2. Why May you ask? Well because my next surgery is planned and will be coming up here shortly. I’ll blog more about it later – I’m still going through the “processing… AKA crying in my car … phase.” For those out where who pray – it’s on Feb. 28th. I’d appreciate all that I can get right now. No worries though – it’s preventative because of Lynch Syndrome. No, cancer’s not back.
3. I let my daughter and my niece play with pinto beans today (not from a can- gross.) And I’m secretly hoping wondering if I’m going to see a little bean in her diaper tomorrow. Gross, I know, probably worse than if I would have let her play with canned pinto beans. But at least I’m honest.
4. I’ve had the busiest month or two lately and work’s been crazy. However, I still managed to read all 3 books of the Hunger Games trilogy. I cannot wait for the movies to come out. And I am on Team Gale.
5. I am now a member of the iPhone community and I cannot … absolutely cannot … stand Words with Friends. I DO NOT get it. Isn’t Scrabble long enough as-is? Why drag it out for days upon days? Hasn’t anyone ever played with a cheater as a kid? Why open yourself up to that nonsense? Just get the game over with for pete’s sake.
At least there’s still Angry Birds…
(I warned you that was random…)
– danielle out.
Got Beans? Well, I guess we'll see tomorrow... (Gross again I know. Sorry - it's a poop blog.)
Devotion
So that’s my word for this year.
In the past I’ve come up with a “word” for the upcoming year. It’s not just me drawing out of a hat though, it’s often times a word that’s put on my heart many weeks before the new year rings in. I’ve done this for the past several years now, and it continues to amaze me how true these words have come to signify the year. What’s really funny is the word I wrote just one year ago that I felt would be the resolution for 2011: fulfill.
Little did I know that in just three weeks into 2011, God would fulfill a longtime prayer on my heart to be a mama, as well as many other pleas like job changes, provisions and support throughout this entire year.
Making Resolutions and Breaking Fingernails
In addition to that very Wheel of Fortune – Before and After subtitle, I’ve realized that in my world, making resolutions are indeed like growing out my nails. My nails can grow, and I hardly ever notice them. But the day I realize, “Hey, my nails have grown out!” – I break them the next day. Seems to be the same with me and goals. If I realize I’ve stuck to a plan, I jinx myself and find that I undo it all the next day or so.
Goals Goals Goals
Part of my hesitation to resolutions has been the “goals” element. I hate goals. I hate thinking about them, setting them and especially voicing them. And why? Because I hate failing, and so I would rather not put them out there in the event that I don’t meet my goals and then it’s public knowledge that I fell short. How’s that for honesty and a dose of pride I’m working on? Plus, ask an almost 11-year cancer survivor what their five-year plan is – and I bet you hear some similar things. I’m going to tell you that it will be by the grace of God that I’m alive in five years, so my goal is to survive. Not to pull the cancer card, but that’s the reality.
So while I’ve gotten my hatred for goals out-of-the-way now, I will say that the word “devotion” being on my heart and a good look at life now, I’m coming around to the idea of setting some sort of goal and making a resolution to stick to a few things this year. I suck at routines, but that’s on the list of what I need to get in order this year. Not just for me but our kiddo, who I hear thrives on that kind of stuff. I’d like to get my book proposal done and take the step in trying to get published. I’d like to blog more. I’d like to keep cutting out sugar. Thanks to my cholesterol test, I need to exercise more. And most importantly, I want to become a gal who prays more this year – like the real, honest prayers.
So, with that being said, I kick off this year and pray for a heart of devotion. And I secretly wonder if a year from now I’ll be shaking my head at what came my way three weeks into the year again. Dear Lord, take it easy on me. Is it a weird goal to stop hating goals? Nonetheless, that is what I strive for. To be devoted to my calling, to actually stick with my goals and to stick to something longer than a few weeks. Here goes…
Semicolon Stories 